Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v.18

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 18
Nowadays, it is common to hear this person goes bankruptcy and that person is in debt for buying things they do not really need and cannot afford. This is indeed a worrying scenario to a developing country. When a person finds he or she could not afford to repay the debts, the last resort for he or she is to commit suicide. In this essay, I would discuss the reasons why people often buy goods they do not need or unaffordable and touch on the measures that can be taken to prevent people from having this problem. Firstly, people purchase goods they could not afford is because of their desire of ownership. For instance, office ladies often think that the ownership of a luxury product such as handbag represent the status of the owner. Thus, it is common to find a lady works as a manager to bring a Louis Vuitton (LV) bag or Prada bag to go to work. All these branded goods cost thousands of dollars to the buyers yet there are still people who are very fascinated to own the luxury goods. The other example is the desire of people to own the Apple products such as the latest model, Iphone 6S Plus and the MacBook. It is surprising to know that people will queue in front of the Apple shop during the midnight in order to purchase the newly launched product. Secondly, people purchase things using credit cards, this causes them to buy things first and pay later. This is not a healthy trend as it shows people have poor financial planning skills. As many banks are now approving credit cards to low-income households, people do not realize how much they have spent on purchasing goods until they receive the bank statements. This is why many people get into debt as they do not plan on their daily purchase. Besides, the roadshow of the banks attracts low-income families to get a credit card by convincing them this card is convenient as they do not have to bring bulks of cash to supermarket to buy groceries. To deal with this behaviour, I personally think that education is very important especially to the children. Parents and teachers should play their roles to educate the children that a show-off behaviour will lead a person to go into bankruptcy and tell them the impacts that could be brought by bankruptcy. In addition, schools should provide lessons to the children on personal financial planning. They should be taught to begin saving since young. To sum up, I think people should think properly before buying a good. They should plan their daily expenditure to avoid over budget. It is important to save a portion of the monthly income in the banks to deal with any emergency that may happen.
Nowadays, it is common to hear this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
goes bankruptcy and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is in debt for buying things they do not
really
need and cannot afford. This is
indeed
a worrying scenario to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
finds he or she could not afford to repay the debts, the last resort for he or she is to commit suicide. In this essay, I would discuss the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
they do not need or unaffordable and touch on the measures that can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from having this problem.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
they could not afford is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their desire of ownership.
For instance
, office ladies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the ownership of a luxury product such as handbag represent the status of the owner.
Thus
, it is common to find a lady works as a manager to bring a Louis Vuitton (LV) bag or Prada bag to go to work. All these branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
cost thousands of dollars to the buyers
yet
there are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fascinated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. The other example is the desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the Apple products such as the latest model,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iphone
6S Plus and the MacBook. It is surprising to know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will queue in front of the Apple shop during the midnight in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
the
newly
launched product.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
things using credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
, this causes them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things
first
and pay later. This is not a healthy trend as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have poor financial planning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banks
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
approving credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
to low-income households,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not realize how much they have spent on purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
until they receive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
statements. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into debt as they do not plan on their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
.
Besides
, the roadshow of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banks
attracts low-income families to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
by convincing them this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
is convenient as they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bring bulks of cash to supermarket to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
groceries.

To deal with this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
especially
to the children. Parents and teachers should play their roles to educate the children that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-off
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
will lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to go into bankruptcy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them the impacts that could
be brought
by bankruptcy.
In addition
, schools should provide lessons to the children on personal financial planning. They should
be taught
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
saving since young.

To sum up, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
. They should plan their daily expenditure to avoid over budget. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to save a portion of the monthly income in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banks
to deal with any emergency that may happen.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 18

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
467 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts