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The population in most of the cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problems does overpopulation in cities cause? How can these problems be solved? v.1

The population in most of the cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problems does overpopulation in cities cause? How can these problems be solved? v. 1
In the present, machinery is a critical part of a developing country. However, it represents a number of faculty development. Therefore, it clearly has advantages and disadvantages. Nowadays, machinery was basically taught by every school. Surprisingly, lots of companies introduce amazing and smart automation in the world with creative system. Simply, people love to have that mechanics as a part of their activity. Beneficially, there are kinds of benefits present in medical faculty such as unfortunately in the past society can not recognize the what was the cancer moreover what was cause to spread all over the body as a result of a number of humans diagnose the cancer in addition it caused to die. As time went pass human technologically introduces a new machine to scan a body. It's certainly valuable for doctors to identify a symptom of cancer resulting from it save people growth who had serious cancers. That became a huge achievement in medical field. On the other hand, unfortunately new machinery makes disadvantages. For example; number of students addicted to use a computer with sitting six or seven hours and also they're not considerate about their studies and food. According to that slowly it makes student kind of robot because of automation. Apparently, automation makes people lazy and also people not use a time to make any decision obviously made by machinery. Therefore, human lose their senses about soul and friendly manner. In conclusion, automation makes more advantages than disadvantages. Slightly, my opinion is new machinery actually makes easy for people day to day activity.
In the present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
is a critical part of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
.
However
, it represents a number of faculty development.
Therefore
, it
clearly
has advantages and disadvantages. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
was
basically
taught by every school.

Surprisingly
, lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
introduce amazing and smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
in the world with creative system.
Simply
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to have that mechanics as a part of their activity.

Beneficially
, there are kinds of benefits present in medical faculty such as unfortunately in the past society can not recognize the what was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
moreover
what was cause to spread all over the body
as a result
of a number of humans diagnose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
in addition
it caused to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
time went pass human
technologically
introduces a new machine to scan a body. It's
certainly
valuable for doctors to identify a symptom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
resulting from it save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
growth who had serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancers
. That became a huge achievement in medical field.

On the other hand
, unfortunately new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
disadvantages.
For example
; number of students addicted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer with sitting six or seven hours and
also
they're not considerate about their studies and food. According to that
slowly
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
student kind of robot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
.
Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any decision
obviously
made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
.
Therefore
, human lose their senses about soul and friendly manner.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
more advantages than disadvantages.
Slightly
, my opinion is new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machinery
actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
day to day activity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay The population in most of the cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problems does overpopulation in cities cause? How can these problems be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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