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Teachers should not make their political or social views known to students in the classroom. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Teachers should not make their political or social views known to students in the classroom. v. 1
In the modern life, individuals prefer living alone mostly, because of it, they stay own themselves without sharing with something with someone. In this circumstances, anti-social manner is common and is accepted day by day. I will briefly explain this situation in below paragraphs. Many people stay the their circle which is comfort zone no bothering with anyone. They get over the issues alone, and after some time later they think it is not necessary to be in a social area. That is to say, other people do not require for anything, happiness related to living lonely. However, that people can believe that others not well as themselves, so they can not be respectful anymore. For example, in a village where is near the Ilgaz Mountain, almost all people are alone at home, they have not talked so much each other. Their treatment is getting worst, because of communication is a significant link to healthy life. There were some suicide in this village. Clearly, it can be a precaution to chit chat with a friend. On the other hand, there are some reasons to increase asocial individuals. The most significant is The internet's overusing in order to escape reality. In order to communicate anyone on online is rather easy nowadays. Thus, the belief appears human is not important as like the old days, every single time on the internet can available to someone no matter who is. Admittedly, to escape from real area is relaxing sometimes, although it is not a solution. People should share their activity, particularly problems can be solved with a hand. Doubtless, the internet is really good option compared to people, but usually it can not solute matters. In conclusion, I restate, the modern human prefers staying alone in order to run away the social problems. Although, it is not suitable for the human relationship. To respect everybody and to communicate face to face is the most convenient to health life and society.
In the modern life, individuals prefer living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
mostly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it, they stay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
themselves without sharing with something with someone. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
circumstances, anti-social manner is common and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
day by day. I will
briefly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this situation in below paragraphs.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their circle" or "the circle"?
the their circle
which is comfort zone no bothering with anyone. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over the issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
, and after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time later they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not necessary to be in a social area.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not require for anything, happiness related to living lonely.
However
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can believe that others not well as themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can not be respectful anymore.
For example
, in a village where is near the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ilgaz
Mountain, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
at home, they have not talked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Their treatment is getting worst,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of communication is a significant link to healthy life. There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suicide in this village.
Clearly
, it can be a precaution to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
chit chat
with a friend.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to increase asocial individuals. The most significant is The internet's overusing in order to escape reality. In order to communicate anyone on online is
rather
easy nowadays.
Thus
, the belief appears human is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as like the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days, every single time on the internet can available to someone no matter who is.
Admittedly
, to escape from real area is relaxing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, although it is not a solution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should share their activity,
particularly
problems can
be solved
with a hand. Doubtless, the internet is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
usually
it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
can not solute
matters.

In conclusion
, I restate, the modern human prefers staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
in order to run away the social problems. Although, it is not suitable for the human relationship. To respect everybody and to communicate face to face is the most convenient to health life and society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Teachers should not make their political or social views known to students in the classroom. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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