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Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other type of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.21

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other type of progress are equally important for a country. v. 21
To begin with healthy consumption, it would be better if regime could impose fines from consumers of fast foods. Some people are of the view that it definitely benefits the community while others argue that it may not be a suitable solution for this problem. This essay strongly agrees with the statement that implementing more levy from people buy convenient meal had significant impact on shifting their lifestyle practices. Firstly, while paying huge amount of consumers of fast food, the regular customers likely to be in a struggle to balance their monthly budget. This may ultimately lead to a swift transition from unhealthy food style with healthy one even though they have no time to cook. In case of middle class and lower class families in our country, as an example, always bound to their monthly income and expenditure balance. Owing to this they likely to take some measures such as shifting to homely meals to avoid the tax burden of their consumables. Secondly, from the government's point of view, this is the ideal method to generate income from society by changing their non nutritional health practices since fast food is the product largely used by the community. People from upper social class, for instance, may continue to buy these convenient foods by paying more hence they have no time to prepare food. This trend directly supports the ruling party to generate more income. So, the early government enforces tax, the better it is. In short, though there are many ways to transform the non-nutritional eating habits of the public, in my opinion charging more as levy is the convenient and effective strategy to tackle this issue. It can be hoped that this efficient way certainly benefits to mould the nation towards the traditional way of cooking.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with healthy consumption, it would be better if regime could impose fines from consumers of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the view that it definitely benefits the community while others argue that it may not be a suitable solution for this problem. This essay
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement that implementing more levy from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
convenient meal had significant impact on shifting their lifestyle practices.

Firstly
, while paying huge amount of consumers of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, the regular customers likely to be in a struggle to balance their monthly budget. This may
ultimately
lead to a swift transition from unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
style with healthy one
even though
they have no time to cook. In case of middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
families in our country, as an example, always bound to their monthly income and expenditure balance. Owing to this they likely to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures such as shifting to homely meals to avoid the tax burden of their consumables.

Secondly
, from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's point of view, this is the ideal method to generate income from society by changing their
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non nutritional
health practices since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the product
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the community.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from upper social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
for instance
, may continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
by paying more
hence
they have no time to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This trend
directly
supports the ruling party to generate more income.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the early
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
enforces tax, the better it is.

In short, though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to transform the non-nutritional eating habits of the public, in my opinion charging more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
levy is the convenient and effective strategy to tackle this issue. It can
be hoped
that this efficient way
certainly
benefits to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
the nation towards the traditional way of cooking.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other type of progress are equally important for a country. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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