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The population in most cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problem does overpopulation in the cities cause? How can these problems be solved? v.1

The population in most cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problem does overpopulation in the cities cause? How can these problems be solved? v. 1
The issue regarding overpopulation has been an ongoing debate since the dawn of 21 century. Overpopulation has now become a major issue as people are moving from one place to another for better jobs, life and other opportunities. This causes various problems in urban areas. However, with the help of some steps, this problem might be solved. This essay would discuss this assertion and draw a logical conclusion. To commence with, overpopulation has a plethora of effect on cities as well as people. Firstly, it becomes cause of deforestation. Government cuts down forests for construction of buildings as it is a primary necessity of people. Increasing population directly affects the environment and it is a major issue. Further, cities are facing traffic problems. Most of the people have private vehicle for commuting. Though, there are many over bridges and roads, but it is not in control owing to use of private vehicles for long as well as short distance also. In addition to this, over population resulted in a considerable increase basic needs such as food, housing, public services and many more. To combat the overpopulation, there are adequate steps which might be helpful. Government should spread awareness of eco-friendly campaign. In which they can aware people about environment and give them some guidelines to protect surrounding areas like planting trees, use of public transport rather than private vehicles and much more. Furthermore, government should invest money for employment in rural areas. They can start businesses and industries. Thus, people would not move to cities for finding work. To conclude, I believe that if government take some precious steps such as employment, different campaign again over population, would definitely decrease population.
The issue regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
has been an ongoing debate since the dawn of
Did you mean "21st century"?
21 century
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Overpopulation
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become a major issue as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving from one place to another for better jobs, life and other opportunities. This causes various problems in urban areas.
However
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps, this problem might
be solved
. This essay would discuss this assertion and draw a logical conclusion.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
has a plethora of effect on cities
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, it becomes cause of deforestation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
down forests for construction of buildings as it is a primary necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
directly
affects the environment and it is a major issue.
Further
, cities are facing traffic problems. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have private vehicle for commuting. Though, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
over bridges and roads,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not in control owing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of private vehicles for long
as well
as short distance
also
.
In addition
to this, over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
resulted in a considerable increase basic needs such as food, housing, public services and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.

To combat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
, there are adequate steps which might be helpful.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should spread awareness of eco-friendly campaign. In which they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
can aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about environment and give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
guidelines to protect surrounding areas like planting trees,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of public transport
rather
than private vehicles and much more.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest money for employment in rural areas. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
businesses and industries.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to cities for finding work.

To conclude
, I believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
precious steps such as employment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
campaign again over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, would definitely decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The population in most cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problem does overpopulation in the cities cause? How can these problems be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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