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Some people think that to produce a happier society we must ensure that there is only a small difference in earning between the rich and the poor. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people think that to produce a happier society we must ensure that there is only a small difference in earning between the rich and the poor. v. 1
Some individuals claim that a happier community will be built if rich and poor people gain money with small variations. Accordingly, I believe that this suggestion is one of the most effective solutions that must be done to make a happier society. This is because a small variation in people's incomes helps in reducing the class jealousy along with improving the social level of all residences. Firstly, determining a limited range of people's incomes makes the society happier since this will reduce the class jealousy that appears because of the wide gap between the poor and the rich. As a result, people tend to provide different aids to each other; as a result, most of people's needs will be afforded faster and easier than before which undoubtedly makes people happier. For example, a book, which is called Internal Happiness by Serine Smith, proved that the more helpful people whom the individual deals with, the more personal happiness would be gained. Another point to mention is that a small variation in earning among rich and poor people ensures a happier community as this will enhance the social level of the whole people rather than just a small category of citizens. Therefore, the number of people who are able to spend in order to have a high quality life will rise. In other words, when more individuals in the society can afford their needs, they definitely will be happy that in turn produces a happier society. For instance, a questionnaire which was conducted by the BBC concluded that 78% of individuals who participated in it admitted that the thing that makes them happy the most when they are able to earn their livelihood. In conclusion, in my opinion, defining a near lowest and highest income level for all residences helps in producing a happier community when the jealousy among people is reduced and the percentage of people who can pay for their demands is increased.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
claim that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
community will
be built
if rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain money with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
variations.
Accordingly
, I believe that this suggestion is one of the most effective solutions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
variation in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's incomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
jealousy along with improving the social level of all residences.

Firstly
, determining a limited range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's incomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
since this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
jealousy that appears
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the wide gap between the poor and the rich.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aids to each other;
as a result
, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's needs will
be afforded
faster and easier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
which
undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
.
For example
, a book, which
is called
Internal Happiness by Serine Smith, proved that the more helpful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whom the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
deals with, the more personal happiness would
be gained
.

Another point to mention is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
variation in earning among rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
ensures
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
community as this will enhance the social level of the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
category of citizens.
Therefore
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are able to spend in order to have a high quality life will rise.
In other words
, when more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can afford their needs, they definitely will be happy that in turn produces a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, a questionnaire which
was conducted
by the BBC concluded that 78% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who participated in it admitted that the thing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them happy the most when they are able to earn their livelihood.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, defining a near lowest and highest income level for all residences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in producing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happier
community when the jealousy among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can pay for their demands
is increased
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that to produce a happier society we must ensure that there is only a small difference in earning between the rich and the poor. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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