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The plans show the layout of a university's sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment. Summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The plans show the layout of a university's sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.
A generation ago, there were a considerable number of supermarkets when compared to small shops. These days, a large number of small and local businesses are shutting down due to enormous increase in numbers of convenience stores. This essay will look at the core reasons of this issue and how it is showing impacting on local communities. This essay will also propose some solid solutions to these problems. One of the main causes of the problem is that the offers provided by supermarkets. These stores do a wide range of advertising campaigns in order to bring customers to buy products. For example, many big companies advertise by using the fame of celebrities to spread their businesses. As a result, people in these industries are becoming jobless. Although there is no significant impact on wealthy people, it has a negative impact on individuals who cannot afford to buy things in highly coveted shops. Therefore, this not only affects small scale industries, but also people who are going through rough times. In order to tackle this problem, celebrities need to encourage indigenous section of people by campaigning about the importance of local businesses and their products. In this way, this burning issue can be resolved to some extent. Another efficient solution to this problem are upgrading skills and providing job opportunities to individuals in these small industries who are affected by large supermarkets. For example, the government needs to track the downsides and need to show the career path for the same. Therefore, these problems can be mitigated. In conclusion, in todays fast growing grocery stores, many local stores are shutting down and people are becoming jobless due to this issue. This essay discussed how this can be mitigated and suggested the perfect solutions.
A generation ago, there were a considerable number of supermarkets when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
shops. These days,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses are shutting down due to enormous increase in numbers of convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
. This essay will look at the core reasons of this issue and how it is showing impacting on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities. This essay will
also
propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solid solutions to these problems.

One of the main causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that the offers provided by supermarkets. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
do a wide range of advertising campaigns in order to bring customers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
advertise by using the fame of celebrities to spread their businesses.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these industries are becoming jobless. Although there is no significant impact on wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on individuals who cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things in
highly
coveted shops.
Therefore
, this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
scale industries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are going through rough times.

In order to tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, celebrities need to encourage indigenous section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by campaigning about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses and their products. In this way, this burning issue can
be resolved
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. Another efficient solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
are upgrading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and providing job opportunities to individuals in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
industries who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by large supermarkets.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the downsides and need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the career path for the same.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be mitigated
.

In conclusion
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are shutting down and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming jobless due to this issue. This essay discussed how this can
be mitigated
and suggested the perfect solutions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay The plans show the layout of a university's sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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