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The plans below show the layout of a university's sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The plans below show the layout of a university's sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.
Some people are of the opinion that music is a good way of uniting persons of separate cultural identity and ages while others think differently. I think that music brings people together because, it is a universal language which everyone understands when played. On the one hand, music serves as a tool for bringing together people from different cultural background and ages. When a good music is played, irrespective of who sang it or where it emanated from, everyone who hears it, dances to it even without minding the meaning of the song. For instance, in 1994, Michael Jackson and some top musical artists collaborated together to produce a song titled 'we are the world' which till today resonates in our hearts. The song has grown to become a World Anthem even though it was sung in English language. On the other hand, some people believe that there are challenges to music becoming a good way of bringing together people with separate cultural diversity and ages. The younger generation prefers hip hop music genre more when compared to pop music genre which was mostly admired in the 80's. To clarify, a recent survey was conducted in New York between the old generation and the new generation and it was discovered that there was disparity between what the two generation wanted. To this extent, music is not a uniting tool for bringing people of different cultural background and ages close. In conclusion, while people vary in their opinion, I think music is a good avenue for bringing people of various cultural diversity and ages together. Although, to an extent challenges arises as to what type of musical genre that is played.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way of uniting persons of separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it is a universal language which everyone understands when played.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
serves as a tool for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bringing
together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
background and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is played
, irrespective of who sang it or where it emanated from, everyone who hears it, dances to it even without minding the meaning of the song.
For instance
, in 1994, Michael Jackson and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
top musical artists collaborated together to produce a song titled 'we are the world' which till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
resonates in our hearts. The song has grown to become a World Anthem
even though
it
was sung
in English language.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there are challenges to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bringing
together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
diversity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. The younger generation prefers hip hop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genre more when compared to pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genre which was
mostly
admired in the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "80s".
80's
. To clarify, a recent survey
was conducted
in New York between the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation and the new generation and it
was discovered
that there was disparity between what the two generation wanted. To this extent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not a uniting tool for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
background and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
close.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
avenue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
diversity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
together. Although, to an extent challenges arises as to what type of musical genre that
is played
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The plans below show the layout of a university's sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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