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The plan below show the layout of a university’s sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. v.2

The plan below show the layout of a university’s sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.
It is believed by some people that children should develop in the countryside rather than in metropolitan centres. I agree with this view because children who grow up in smaller towns and villages are protected from environmental problems experienced in big cities and interpersonal skills can easily be inculcated in them. First of all, children who grow up in the countryside are not exposed to the pervasive environmental challenges in the big cities. In order words, problems such as noise and air pollutions are minimal in the rural areas due to the reduced number of automobiles and industries. For instance, young ones in urban centres such as Beijing are exposed to harsh problems in the environment like constant noise and air contaminants. Thus, children who reside in the rural areas do not suffer from sickness which arise from pollutants common in big cities. Furthermore, kids that grow up in the countryside have opportunities to develop interpersonal skills such as communication skills and cooperation within the community. This ocurs owning to the fact that many familities are close together and they have better interaction with each other and their young ones with less distractions from work, electronic devices and the internet. A recent report by the sociologists in Nigeria revealed that children in rural parts of the country have better communication skills through their close relationships with other members of their community. Therefore, life in the smaller towns and villages affords children less distractions and they are better opportuned to develop essential life skills. In conclusion, children that grow up in rural areas have less exposure to harmful environmental pollutants and they can easily develop interpersonal skills compared to those in the urban centres. This is a better environment necessary for the critical stages of children's development.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
in the countryside
rather
than in metropolitan
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
up in smaller towns and villages
are protected
from environmental problems experienced in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities and interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
easily
be inculcated
in them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
up in the countryside are not exposed to the pervasive environmental challenges in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. In order words, problems such as noise and air pollutions are minimal in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
number of automobiles and industries.
For instance
, young ones in urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
such as Beijing
are exposed
to harsh problems in the environment like constant noise and air contaminants.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who reside in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas do not suffer from sickness which arise from pollutants common in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.

Furthermore
, kids that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
up in the countryside have opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and cooperation within the community. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
ocurs
owning to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
familities
are close
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
together and
they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
interaction with each other and their young ones with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun distractions is countable.
less
distractions from work, electronic devices and the internet. A recent report by the sociologists in Nigeria revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
parts of the country have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
through their close relationships with other members of their community.
Therefore
, life in the smaller towns and villages affords
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
distractions and
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
Possible spelling mistake found.
opportuned
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
essential life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas have less exposure to harmful environmental
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pollutants and
they can
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
compared to those in the urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. This is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
environment necessary for the critical stages of children's development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The plan below show the layout of a university’s sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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