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Many students decide to pursue their study abroad What are the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement v.1

Many students decide to pursue their study abroad What are the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad with the statement v. 1
It is sometimes thought that zoos have no valuable purposes. In my opinion, I strongly disagree that zoos do not have useful aim as it will greatly benefit both wild animals and individuals. A good reason to protect zoos is that it provides a safe environment for endangered species. This is considered the only way to protect these animals from extinction, due to poaching or illegal hunting, by keeping them held in zoos. For example, there were three wild lions in South Africa were characterized as an extinct animal in 2006. Therefore, the authorities hold them in the national zoo to prevent them from being hunted. Another point to consider is that zoos provide rehabilitation programs for animals going back into the wild. In other words, people often find some animals that are suffering extreme pain and loss the ability to eat and walk in the streets. Therefore, zoos take these animals and put them in a program to help them adapt to their natural habitat after curing them. This will result in saving and preventing these wild animals from dying. Finally, the ultimate aim of a zoo is to educate people to respect wild animals because losing these animals will disrupt the balance of the ecosystem. This can bring about more negative impacts on the environment and, consequently, threaten our lives on this planet. As a result, zoos provide opportunities for people to have contact with wild animals. For instance, the Egyptian government encourages people to visit the national zoo by giving them free tickets every year. Consequently, studies have recently shown a clear link between the reasons for protecting wild animals in Egypt and the increased numbers of people who visited zoos. In conclusion, the benefits of having a zoo is a must for any country that wants to protect endangered species and one that needs to teach people how to take care of wild animals.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that zoos have no valuable purposes. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree that zoos do not have useful aim as it will
greatly
benefit both wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and individuals.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to protect zoos is that it provides a safe environment for endangered species. This
is considered
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to protect these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from extinction, due to poaching or illegal hunting, by keeping them held in zoos.
For example
, there were three wild lions in South Africa
were characterized
as an extinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
in 2006.
Therefore
, the authorities hold them in the national zoo to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from
being hunted
.

Another point to consider is that zoos provide rehabilitation programs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
going back into the wild.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that are suffering extreme pain and loss the ability to eat and walk in the streets.
Therefore
, zoos take these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and put them in a program to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them adapt to their natural habitat after curing them. This will result in saving and preventing these wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from dying.

Finally
, the ultimate aim of a zoo is to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to respect wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
losing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will disrupt the balance of the ecosystem. This can bring about more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the environment and,
consequently
, threaten our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on this planet.
As a result
, zoos provide opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have contact with wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For instance
, the Egyptian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit the national zoo by giving them free tickets every year.
Consequently
, studies have recently shown a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
link between the reasons for protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in Egypt and the increased numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who visited zoos.

In conclusion
, the benefits of having a zoo is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for any country that wants to protect endangered species and one that needs to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how to take care of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many students decide to pursue their study abroad What are the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad with the statement v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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