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The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source Australia and France in 1980 and 2000 v.1

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source Australia and France in 1980 and 2000 v. 1
There are so many vitally important factors in our lives which enable us to achieve our goals and dreams. According to a recent article, every person in our society has a unique set of abilities at his or her disposal. The article did not state which factors lead to our success. That is why I intend to have a look at two of them in detail. It goes without saying that our personality is what has a major influence on our decisions and behaviour. If somebody is strong-willed, it is very unlikely that this person will not stand up to any trials in the future. Therefore, delivering success would not cause him or her any severe issues. On the other hand, those people who are more sensitive and closed would probably struggle with achieving their aims. Since public speaking started playing an important role, it is desirable to be the person who is different in terms of your voice, gestures, confidence and other things. In other words, being a person with a strong personality has several assets. Not only is it easier to deliver your goals, but it can also have a positive impact on listeners. Another potential way of ensuring success is your qualifications. It cannot be denied, that those people who were provided with the right qualifications are more successful. However, it can be questioned. If you are not able to take advantage of having a good degree, you can fail. Moreover, from my point of view, these people often have a lack of communication skills which often play an important role when it comes to their success. To sum up, as far as I am concerned, our personality outweighs the advantages of having good qualifications. If we didn't have a strong personality, we wouldn't be able to study and stand out from the crowd to be heard.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which enable us to achieve our goals and dreams. According to a recent article, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in our society has a unique set of abilities at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
disposal. The article did not state which factors lead to our success.
That is
why I intend to have a look at two of them in detail.

It goes without saying that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
is what has a major influence on our decisions and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. If somebody is strong-willed, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unlikely that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will not stand up to any trials in the future.
Therefore
, delivering success would not cause him or her any severe issues.
On the other hand
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are more sensitive and closed would
probably
struggle with achieving their aims. Since public speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role, it is desirable to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in terms of your voice, gestures, confidence and other things.
In other words
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
with a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
has several assets. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is it easier to deliver your goals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on listeners.

Another potential way of ensuring success is your qualifications. It cannot
be denied
, that those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
were provided
with the right qualifications are more successful.
However
, it can
be questioned
. If you are not able to take advantage of having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
degree, you can fail.
Moreover
, from my point of view, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a lack of communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their success.

To sum up, as far as I
am concerned
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
outweighs the advantages of having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualifications. If we didn't have a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
, we wouldn't be able to study and stand out from the crowd to
be heard
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source Australia and France in 1980 and 2000 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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