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Most modern families have both parents working as a result children spend less and less time with their children. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? v.2

Most modern families have both parents working as a result children spend less and less time with their children. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? v. 2
There is no doubt that it has become a very common scenario to see a working parent in the society. Consequently, many urban families barely pass their leisure time with their kids, leading towards more job-centric. This essay will explore possible reasons of this situation and explain some aspiring problems that might be associated in the future. One reason is that a number of workaholic parents are becoming addicted to their professional lives, choosing to keep themselves occupied all the time. As a result, daily routines of their young children, therefore, are being mismatched days after days. For example, as this type of guardians maintain a strict timetable such as from 9 AM to 5 PM, it would be quite difficult to find leisure time for any school going student when it might be time for him/her to sleep or do homework. Furthermore, it does not matter for any professional culture to check with their employees whether they are parents or not. As a consequence, children would be less monitored or guided when their parents are present in home, whereas an unemployed family member could direct children in a better way. Furthermore, many lonely young people get associated with a depressed life as they usually do not find anyone to talk in home. For instance, according to a Harvard University study in 2011, a growing number of South Asian adolescents are suffering from mental depression because of the unadministration of their employed father and mother. In addition, a mental distance has been created sometimes and it gets overlooked by working parents. In conclusion, while it becomes challenging for a dedicated staff to manage time for their family, employers do not show their sympathy for the situation. Eventually, depression and social distance keep arising for some children.
There is no doubt that it has become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common scenario to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
in the society.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
urban families
barely
pass their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their kids, leading towards more job-centric. This essay will explore possible reasons of this situation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspiring problems that might
be associated
in the future.

One reason is that a number of workaholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are becoming addicted to their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
, daily routines of their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
therefore
, are
being mismatched
days after days.
For example
, as this type of guardians maintain a strict timetable such as from 9 AM to 5 PM, it would be quite difficult to find leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for any school going student when it might be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for him/her to sleep or do homework.
Furthermore
, it does not matter for any professional culture to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
with their employees whether they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or not.

As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be less monitored or guided when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are present in home, whereas an unemployed family member could direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a better way.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lonely young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
associated with a depressed life as they
usually
do not find anyone to talk in home.
For instance
, according to a Harvard University study in 2011, a growing number of South Asian adolescents are suffering from mental depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unadministration
of their employed father and mother.
In addition
, a mental distance has
been created
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
overlooked by working parents.

In conclusion
, while it becomes challenging for a dedicated staff to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their family, employers do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their sympathy for the situation.
Eventually
, depression and social distance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
arising for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Most modern families have both parents working as a result children spend less and less time with their children. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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