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Nowadays many business meetings and training are happening online and not in real offices. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages in this matter? v.1

Nowadays many business meetings and training are happening online and not in real offices. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages in this matter? v. 1
Today, less social intimacy among neighbours has become normal due to technology and hectic life. This case can primarily be tackled by people's frequent involvement in community-based programmes. In this essay, some other potential solutions will be suggested after the causes are discussed. Currently, people are showing less interest in their neighbors since they have been preoccupied with their work and personal life, having insufficient time for other things. Thus, they may hardly interact with their neighbours. Furthermore, these days, because of the entertaining and flexible accessibility of social media, many people are spending most of their leisure time on social networking such as Facebook and Instagram which keep them far away from the real social community. Another reason is that as the rampant acceleration of crimes is occurring, many people are automatically becoming cautious and suspected about other people. Consequently, they tend to become isolated from neighbors nearby while they are in constant fear of being harmed. Regarding some solutions, so as to imbue people's minds with a sense of community in the neighborhood, residents ought to be attracted to many programs organized by community officials and executives, for example, social gatherings and meetings that assemble neighbors in one place. Besides, people have to work for feasible hours, socializing mostly with people instead of being obsessed with tech-savvy machinery. Finally, organizing social events and clubs to encourage camaraderie among people can be an extremely effective action to tighten people's neighboring bonds. In conclusion, people might not be able to keep constant contact with neighbours mainly due to technologies and current hectic schedule. However, drifting apart from techno-devices, working moderately and being involved in social life nearby could be solutions to this problem.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
intimacy among
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
has become normal due to technology and hectic life. This case can
primarily
be tackled
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's frequent involvement in community-based
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. In this essay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other potential solutions will
be suggested
after the causes
are discussed
.

Currently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are showing less interest in their neighbors since they have
been preoccupied
with their work and personal life, having insufficient time for other things.
Thus
, they may hardly interact with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Furthermore
, these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the entertaining and flexible accessibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending most of their leisure time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking such as Facebook and Instagram which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them far away from the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
community. Another reason is that as the rampant acceleration of crimes is occurring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
automatically
becoming cautious and suspected about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, they tend to become isolated from neighbors nearby while they are in constant fear of
being harmed
.

Regarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
imbue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's minds with a sense of community in the neighborhood, residents ought to
be attracted
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
programs organized by community officials and executives,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gatherings and meetings that assemble neighbors in one place.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for feasible hours, socializing
mostly
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of
being obsessed
with tech-savvy machinery.
Finally
, organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and clubs to encourage camaraderie among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be an
extremely
effective action to tighten
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's neighboring bonds.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
constant contact with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
mainly
due to technologies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
hectic schedule.
However
, drifting apart from techno-devices, working
moderately
and
being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life nearby could be solutions to this problem.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay Nowadays many business meetings and training are happening online and not in real offices. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages in this matter? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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