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The pie charts below show the percentages of each material thrown out by the average household in California in 1985 and 2002. v.1

The pie charts below show the percentages of each material thrown out by the average household in California in 1985 and 2002. v. 1
Since the turn of the 21st century, the issue of the people does not feel in good healthy and active as they used to do have become a highly noticeable condition, triggering healthy problems and declining quality of lives. Therefore, potential problems of this situation will be discussed and some solutions of how they could achieve this will be offered in this essay. The first problem of this issue is the changed of life styles. As well as the technological advancement, loads of people have been using the technical aids, technical devices and machines. For example, when they go outside to a near place, they take a car. Moreover, it led to them sedentary lifestyle due to sitting and working the whole day on the table without movements. Furthermore, some students are taking the online classes instead of face to face. What is the suitable solution for these problems is that physical exercises are needed to do well, such as, walking, running and go to the gym. In addition to this, a lot of consumption of fast food is also another problem of this concern, for instance, burger, pizza, etc. If the consumption habits go on with this trend, people will get a serious health problem. To avoid this situation becoming any worse, they should turn to eat healthy food like home-made, vegetables & fruits. Without such solution, it is undeniable that this problem is unlikely to be solved. Taking everything into consideration, in my humble opinion, if the proposed alternative solutions were to be implemented, these potential problems could be reduced to some extent, even if not totally eliminated.
Since the turn of the 21st century, the issue of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
does not feel in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthy and active as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do have become a
highly
noticeable condition, triggering healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and declining quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of this situation will
be discussed
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
of how they could achieve this will
be offered
in this essay.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of this issue is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
of life styles.
As well
as the technological advancement, loads of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been using the technical aids, technical devices and machines.
For example
, when they go outside to a near place, they take a car.
Moreover
, it led to them sedentary lifestyle due to sitting and working the whole day on the table without movements.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students are taking the online classes
instead
of face to face. What is the suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is that physical exercises
are needed
to do well, such as, walking, running and go to the gym.

In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food is
also
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of this concern,
for instance
, burger, pizza, etc. If the consumption habits go on with this trend,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a serious health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. To avoid this situation becoming any worse, they should turn to eat healthy food like home-made, vegetables & fruits. Without such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
, it is undeniable that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is unlikely to
be solved
.

Taking everything into consideration, in my humble opinion, if the proposed alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
were to
be implemented
, these potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, even if not
totally
eliminated.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie charts below show the percentages of each material thrown out by the average household in California in 1985 and 2002. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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