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What do you feel about smoking in public places? Do you think smoking should be banned in people’s homes? v.1

What do you feel about smoking in public places? Do you think smoking should be banned in people’s homes? v. 1
Nowadays, some teachers encourage their students to use online study materials in their educational process. It is reasonable, because help to decrease the number of books and notebooks which pupils bring to school daily. Other teachers, however, prefer printed materials in consideration of the fact, that they help students better remember the data, they learn. In my opinion, online materials quite better fit nowadays neediness. First of all, talking about paper-based materials, it should be mentioned their high helpful in handwriting memory. In a process of writing, person can better remember data that he studies. The visual memory also works better, while pupil looks at the piece of paper, which have defects and unique texture, instead of the monitor, where all papers will be the same. Finally, in a case of the internet connection problems, or just a computer breakage, students would not have a possibility to make a homework or classwork properly. At the same time, it should be taken into the consideration total amount of students. Using online materials instead of printed one can save millions of trees. Moreover, air, water, and earth pollution can be decreased in a case of rejecting of usage paper-making manufactories. As we talk about student, the benefits of them are obvious – they do not need to handle a lot of books on the way to the school/college. In conclusion, I want to underline that both approaches of teaching -with or without printed materials have their advantages. But in my mind, using online materials is environmentally friendly and can help students be healthier.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teachers encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
in their educational process. It is reasonable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to decrease the number of books and notebooks which pupils bring to school daily. Other teachers,
however
, prefer printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
in consideration of the fact, that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
remember the data, they learn. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
fit nowadays neediness.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, talking about paper-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
, it should
be mentioned
their high helpful in handwriting memory. In a process of writing, person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
remember data that he studies. The visual memory
also
works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
, while pupil looks at the piece of paper, which have defects and unique texture,
instead
of the monitor, where all papers will be the same.
Finally
, in a case of the internet connection problems, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a computer breakage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would not have a possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a homework or classwork
properly
.

At the same time, it should
be taken
into the consideration total amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
instead
of printed one can save millions of trees.
Moreover
, air, water, and earth pollution can
be decreased
in a case of rejecting of usage paper-making
Possible spelling mistake found.
manufactories
. As we talk about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, the benefits of them are obvious
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
they do not need to handle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
books on the way to the school/college.

In conclusion
, I want to underline that both approaches of teaching -with or without printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
have their advantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my mind, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
is
environmentally
friendly and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
be healthier.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay What do you feel about smoking in public places? Do you think smoking should be banned in people’s homes? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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