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The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years v.1

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years v. 1
Throughout the history, a vast majority of populations resided in ares called villages where everyone could communicate with other inhabitants living in the same place. At present, a multitude groups of individuals is in favour of occupying in developed cities where they were able to keep in touch with a minority of humans. This essay will touch on the most frequently cited reasons for supporting why it is more advantageous to become a member of a large community. On the one hand, I would personally put forward the view that there are numerous crucial benefits obtained from living in these huge places. The most obvious advantage which should be emphasised is that anyone living in a place, including great numbers of people can ensure that their home is safe while they are absent at home. Perhaps a clear illustration of this actual fact would be the fact that, every neighbour will definitely inform the emergency service if any accident for example, burning occurs in another house. Therefore, it is always asserted that living in crowded places is immensely beneficial for the owners of these buildings. Moreover, it should be noted that, nobody doubts that they are not left alone meanwhile they are in complicated troubles. To illustrate credible reason, this can be seen by the charity actions being done by neighbourhood members in each part of Uzbekistan. To be more precise, in this country each community makes an attempt for supplying some poverty families with emotional support as well as an adequate amount of money by their own budgets. On the other hand, there are tremendous minus sides of occupying in small Areas located in big cities. Firstly, some may find difficult there. Because the cost of living is totally expensive compared to another one in the village. Secondly, the frequent transportation and fabrics have a great negative influence on its own inhabitants' health. It can be observed, for example, in the death rates of population in China, where it contains lots of cars and factories. Finally, it should be underlined that, living in the absence of daily communication and conversations with others seems boring which leads composure feeling. In conclusion, having taken everything into consideration, I completely agree with that Residing in the larger society can outweigh the drawbacks of life in cities.
Throughout the history, a vast majority of populations resided in ares called villages where everyone could communicate with other inhabitants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. At present, a multitude groups of individuals is in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of occupying in developed cities where they were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with a minority of humans. This essay will touch on the most
frequently
cited reasons for supporting why it is more advantageous to become a member of a large community.

On the one hand, I would
personally
put forward the view that there are numerous crucial benefits obtained from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in these huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. The most obvious advantage which should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
is that anyone
With the word 'that' in a subjunctive clause, use the base form of a verb: "live".
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, including great numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can ensure that their home is safe while they are absent at home. Perhaps a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
illustration of this actual fact would be the fact that, every
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
will definitely inform the emergency service if any accident
for example
, burning occurs in another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Therefore
, it is always asserted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is
immensely
beneficial for the owners of these buildings.
Moreover
, it should
be noted
that, nobody doubts that they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone meanwhile they are in complicated troubles. To illustrate credible reason, this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the charity actions
being done
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
members in each part of Uzbekistan. To be more precise, in this country each community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an attempt for supplying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poverty families with emotional support
as well
as an adequate amount of money by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
budgets.

On the other hand
, there are tremendous minus sides of occupying in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small


Areas located in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may find difficult there.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
is
totally
expensive compared to another one in the village.
Secondly
, the frequent transportation and fabrics have a great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
inhabitants' health. It can
be observed
,
for example
, in the death rates of population in China, where it contains lots of cars and factories.
Finally
, it should
be underlined
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the absence of daily communication and conversations with others seems boring which leads composure feeling.

In conclusion
, having taken everything into consideration, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that

Residing in the larger society can outweigh the drawbacks of life in cities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
384 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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