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The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. v.1

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. v. 1
Nowadays children's foeticide activities are mushrooming at a rocketing rate. Some people argue that the government should legally approve abortion while others do not favour this. This essay will highlight both statements and I opine that the persons who are indulging in such criminal activities must be punished. Why some people favour that miscarriage should be legal in the country. Primarily, people think that being a citizen it is the right of a person to plan for a baby or not. If, any circumstance arises, when they do not want a baby, then nobody should stop them for abortion since it is a personal matter of a couple. Additionally, a child termination can facilitate population control in the nation. When a country faces an overpopulation problem, then they can opt infant foeticide solution to control the birth rate. On the other side, some individuals are against of the child killing before their birth. Since child foeticide is equal to the murder, so that people are doing criminal activities. For instance, according to a survey report conducted by the census of India in the year 2020 there is a huge gap between the birth rate of male and female baby child. Most of people kill a girl child before their birth as they desire the baby boy instead of the baby girl. Hence, in India there is a huge gender inequality. To sum up, undoubtedly, in some country's child-miscarriage is legal, whereas in other countries is is totally banned because it is a crime equal to murder of any human. So people should not be free to do such activities without any fear of law and order.
Nowadays children's
Possible spelling mistake found.
foeticide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are mushrooming at a rocketing rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
legally
approve abortion while others do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
this. This essay will highlight both statements and I opine that the persons who are indulging in such criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be punished
.

Why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
that miscarriage should be legal in the country.
Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that being a citizen it is the right of a person to plan for a baby or not. If, any circumstance arises, when they do not want a baby, then nobody should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them for abortion since it is a personal matter of a couple.
Additionally
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
termination can facilitate population control in the nation. When a country faces an overpopulation problem, then they can opt infant
Possible spelling mistake found.
foeticide
solution to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
rate.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are against of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
killing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Possible spelling mistake found.
foeticide
is equal to the murder,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For instance
, according to a survey report conducted by the census of India in the year 2020 there is a huge gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
rate of male and female baby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
kill a girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
as they desire the baby boy
instead
of the baby girl.
Hence
, in India there is a huge gender inequality.

To sum up,
undoubtedly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "countrys"?
country's
child-miscarriage is legal, whereas in other countries
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
totally
banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a crime equal to murder of any human.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be free to do such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
without any fear of law and order.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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