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The pie charts show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. v.1

The pie charts show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. v. 1
In today's competitive world, it is challenging to acquire a job. While some people believe that the best approach to start a career is by getting a university degree, others think that gaining experience and developing real-life skills is essential than having a university graduation. This essay will discuss both opinions before reaching a conclusion. To begin with, recruiters often write job advertisements that specify that a degree is required for the position; thus, the market decides on this point that it values credentials. In other words, a degree is a start in working life because it will increasingly provide opportunities for further development for the person, and this will reflect on the company's profit. According to a University of California study, they compared a two 21-year-old people one of which is a graduate and the other has industrial exposure; the comparison revealed that the educated person's ability to learn is much faster than the experienced with no qualification. Therefore, education does develop not only the speed of learning, but also the ability to provide for the company in a quicker method. Despite the explanation mentioned above, practical expertise and soft skills give an individual a true understanding of companies' mechanics whereas education is theoretical oriented. To illustrate, a diploma qualification was once a major deciding factor in who gets the job; however, as more people have obtained credentials, employers have become less impressed, and they are starting to focus on practical experience and people skills. That is because real-life work experience shows that candidates can work well in teams and under pressure; consequently, they can adapt quickly and achieve success easily in real-life work environment. In conclusion, the ideal employee is the right combination of both theoretical knowledge and practical understanding. In my opinion, different industries and business roles will favour various attributes; hence, neither is essential than the other.
In
today
's competitive world, it is challenging to acquire a job. While
some
people
believe that the best approach to
start
a career is by getting a university degree, others
think
that gaining experience and developing real-life
skills
is
essential
than having a university graduation. This essay will discuss both opinions
before
reaching a conclusion.

To
begin
with, recruiters
often
write job advertisements that specify that a degree
is required
for the position;
thus
, the market decides on this point that it values credentials. In
other
words, a degree is a
start
in working life
because
it will
increasingly
provide opportunities for
further
development for the person, and this will reflect on the
company
's profit. According to a University of California study, they compared a two 21-year-
old
people
one of which is a graduate and the
other
has industrial exposure; the comparison revealed that the educated person's ability to learn is much faster than the experienced with no qualification.
Therefore
, education does develop not
only
the speed of learning,
but
also
the ability to provide for the
company
in a quicker method.

Despite the explanation mentioned above, practical expertise and soft
skills
give an individual a true understanding of
companies
' mechanics whereas education is theoretical oriented. To illustrate, a diploma qualification was once a major deciding factor in who
gets
the job;
however
, as more
people
have obtained credentials, employers have become less impressed, and they are starting to focus on practical experience and
people
skills
.
That is
because
real-life work experience
shows
that candidates can work well in teams and under pressure;
consequently
, they can adapt
quickly
and achieve success
easily
in real-life work environment.

In conclusion
, the ideal employee is the right combination of both theoretical knowledge and practical understanding. In my opinion,
different
industries and business roles will
favour
various attributes;
hence
, neither is essential than the
other
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie charts show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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