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The pie chart compares the percentage of commuters using for different types of transport in an European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v.1

The pie chart compares the percentage of commuters using for different types of transport in an European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v. 1
The bankruptcy of numerous small stores in town is occurring in some nations as people are likely to drive to bigger malls outside the town. Therefore, this development creates difficulty for people without cars to do shopping and encourages the number of cars being used. However, I still believe that this trend will bring about more pros than cons. First of all, It is obvious that the larger the mall is, the more products are sold. Specifically, large stores will cooperate with lots of entrepreneurs and companies in different areas from local to international ones. As a result, these stores can import a vast number as well as a variety of goods to serve their customers from toys, clothes, foods and so on, so the public will be presented with more choices to buy than in smaller ones. Moreover, commercial centrers in the suburbs are now like a destination for a family bonding activity. For example, they incorporate some amenities that meet the needs for entertainment of individuals. Some will have restaurants for everyone to enjoy meals with their loved ones or playgrounds for children to play while their parents go shopping. Hence, people come to these places just like a trip for their family to escape from the daily pressure and spend more time together. Besides purchasing for things, relatives can share the love and joy that they rarely do in their hectic life. Furthermore, the increasing use of cars may not be a disturbing sign. In fact, it can bring some advantages. Since everybody is beginning to own more cars now, it reflects that the living standards of citizens have raised. For instance, after working diligently and earning money, people want to possess a car to take their family members on a trip for recreational activities and let go of their responsibilities. Finally, the rate of using cars to travel out of town also contributes to the reduction of traffic congestion. In small towns, especially on weekends, families tend to go out and enjoy some downtime with each other. This can lead to traffic jams on roads and shops can be overcrowded, thus having a car is a great idea for people to visit more peaceful outside areas and have some happy time with their members. To sum up, the phenomenon of driving outwards to large out-of-town stores offers some great benefits to everybody and the increase in the use of cars also seems to show some positives for the life of them.
The bankruptcy of numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
is occurring in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to drive to bigger malls outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
.
Therefore
, this development creates difficulty for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
and encourages the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
However
, I
still
believe that this trend will bring about more pros than cons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, It is obvious that the larger the mall is, the more products
are sold
.
Specifically
, large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
will cooperate with lots of entrepreneurs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas from local to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
can import a vast number
as well
as a variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to serve their customers from toys, clothes, foods and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the public will
be presented
with more choices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
than in smaller ones.

Moreover
, commercial
Possible spelling mistake found.
centrers
in the suburbs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
like a destination for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding activity.
For example
, they incorporate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amenities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs for entertainment of individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
will have restaurants for everyone to enjoy meals with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
or playgrounds for children to play while their parents go shopping.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to these places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a trip for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to escape from the daily pressure and spend more time together.
Besides
purchasing for things, relatives can share the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and joy that they rarely do in their hectic life.

Furthermore
, the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
may not be a disturbing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
. In fact, it can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. Since everybody is beginning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it reflects that the living standards of citizens have raised.
For instance
, after working
diligently
and earning money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to possess a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members on a trip for recreational activities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
go of their responsibilities.
Finally
, the rate of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to travel out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
also
contributes to the reduction of traffic congestion. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
,
especially
on weekends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
tend to go out and enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downtime with each other. This can lead to traffic jams on roads and shops can
be overcrowded
,
thus
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit more peaceful outside areas and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
happy time with their members.

To sum up, the phenomenon of driving outwards to large out-of-town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great benefits to everybody and the increase in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
also
seems to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
positives for the life of them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay The pie chart compares the percentage of commuters using for different types of transport in an European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
415 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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