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The graph below show the different mode of transport used to travel to and from work in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v.1

The graph below show the different mode of transport used to travel to and from work in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v. 1
Nowadays it is argued that colleges ought to assign some currency to encourage sports action of its students. While I utterly agree with this motif, this essay will opine my arguments using relative illustrations. Firstly, I believe that physical activities provide an essential education for players. This is because such motif will contribute in teaching adolescents, several skills, like organization spirit, communication and abundantly playing under stress. As a result, youngsters will be effectively prepared to face both professional and personal life challenges. One clear example here is a study conducted at the University of Oxford, claimed that the majority of their graduated students, who were part of their football team, became the best employees and achievers in their professions, which is because the skills they have learned while playing. Therefore, investing in such work will give a tremendous positive effect. Secondly, financial revenue should be another reason why institutes should allocate budgets for sports. In other words, if these universities contribute in a squad, there is a huge possibility that this team plays in national games and win the prize. As consequences, the players will achieve their goals and the universities will collect the return on their investment. To illustrate, a survey conducted by the ministry of Education, showed that the Lebanese University earn huge profit, yearly, from its basketball club, which they contributed in. Thus, the university will collect more money than they spent. However, contributing in physical acts ought to be in parallel with allocating money for college libraries. In conclusion, due to both educational and financial purposes universities should invest in their student's physical activities. Therefore, I strongly believe that this has to be treated as priority.
Nowadays it
is argued
that colleges ought to assign
some
currency to encourage sports action of its students. While I
utterly
agree
with this motif, this essay will opine my arguments using relative illustrations.

Firstly
, I believe that physical activities provide an essential education for players. This is
because
such motif will contribute in teaching adolescents, several
skills
, like organization spirit, communication and
abundantly
playing under
stress
.
As a result
, youngsters will be
effectively
prepared to face both professional and personal life challenges. One
clear
example here is a study conducted at the
University
of Oxford, claimed that the majority of their graduated students, who were part of their football team, became the best employees and achievers in their professions, which is
because
the
skills
they have learned while playing.
Therefore
, investing in such work will give a tremendous
positive
effect.

Secondly
, financial revenue should be another reason why institutes should allocate budgets for sports.
In other words
, if these
universities
contribute in a squad, there is a huge possibility that this team plays in national games and win the prize. As consequences, the players will achieve their goals and the
universities
will collect the return on their investment. To illustrate, a survey conducted by the ministry of Education,
showed
that the Lebanese
University
earn huge profit, yearly, from its basketball club, which they contributed in.
Thus
, the
university
will collect more money than they spent.

However
, contributing in physical acts ought to be in parallel with allocating money for college libraries.

In conclusion
, due to both educational and financial purposes
universities
should invest in their student's physical activities.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that this
has to
be treated
as priority.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below show the different mode of transport used to travel to and from work in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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