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Young students should be taught to use computers in primary school. How far do you agree or disagree with statement? v.1

Young students should be taught to use computers in primary school. How far v. 1
It is true that some people are born to be a manager. While some people think that leaders ship skills are bestowed at birth, there is evidence to suggest these skills can be learned. Therefore, ahead of my opinion, both the views will be discussed further. Examining the former view, there are those who say that some people are just naturally blessed with the qualities of a good commander. This occurrence may lead people at a young age. For example, The great Chandragupta Maurya made a king at fifteen year life. This showed great skill at a young youth. Moreover, a good head is usually natural at certain qualities and characteristics which help them become a skilled person. Namely, good leaders can have more natural abilities of analysing and resolving problems than others. Therefore, these people always stand out of a group and be able at on early life. Considering the latter part of the topic, there are multiple evidences to suggest that leadership can be taught or learnt. One good point is the leadership program is available at universities and workplaces. If these skills could not be taught, there would not be so many courses. Secondly, public speaking is one of many skills these schools can teach. Individuals who are shy and lack confidence can find their feet in the leadership by learning the essence of good body language, pronunciation, and other elements of good public speaking. Thus, this will in turn make them better leaders. In conclusion, I strongly reckon that learning numerous skills is emphasis on becoming a good head. While a little number of people are born with some ability.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are born
to be a manager. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that leaders ship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are bestowed
at birth, there is evidence to suggest these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
be learned
.
Therefore
, ahead of my opinion, both the views will
be discussed
further
.

Examining the former view, there are those who say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
naturally
blessed with the qualities of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
commander. This occurrence may lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at a young age.
For example
, The great Chandragupta Maurya made a king at fifteen year life. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
at a young youth.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
head is
usually
natural at certain qualities and characteristics which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become a skilled person.
Namely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
leaders can have more natural abilities of
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
and resolving problems than others.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always stand out of a group and be able at on early life.

Considering the latter part of the topic, there are multiple evidences to suggest that leadership can
be taught
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
point is the leadership program is available at universities and workplaces. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
could not
be taught
, there would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses.
Secondly
, public speaking is one of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
these schools can teach. Individuals who are shy and lack confidence can find their feet in the leadership by learning the essence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
body language, pronunciation, and other elements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
public speaking.
Thus
, this will in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them better leaders.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
reckon that learning numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is emphasis on becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
head.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are born
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ability.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Young students should be taught to use computers in primary school. How far v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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