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The pie chart below shows information about different types of pollutants entering in a particular area of ocean in 1997 and 2007 v.1

The pie chart below shows information about different types of pollutants entering in a particular area of ocean in 1997 and 2007 v. 1
Worldwide, every government shows more interest in protecting their arts and culture. Some people think that the government should focus on public services instead of spending in arts, music and theatres. I partially agree with this notion. Improving public services is essential to the county's growth; however, the arts also important. Every year the government spends an enormous amount in arts, music and theatre attract tourists. Worldwide, most of the people interested to learn and experience various cultures and tradition, so each country all over the world tries to attract more tourist and earn from it. For example, to compare the past few decades, Iran's income has increased several times once they started investing in tourism. In addition, Iran's one-third of their income depends on tourism. However, public services are taken into account first. In many countries, still, the people who live in rural places are struggling without proper education facility. Even in this modern era, a massive number of students are travelling so far to get educated. The regime should consider education issue on top of others because the country's growth relies on the number of educated people. For instance, according to the 2019 survey of Times, worldwide, 46% of children do not have proper education facilities. Hence, it is the sole responsibility of the government to provide an adequate education. To conclude, although it is important to invest in arts, music and theatre, public services like education should consider the top of others. I believe, in the future, the bureaucracy will consider public services as the most priority and others will taken depends on the need.
Worldwide, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
more interest in protecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
instead
of spending in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion. Improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is essential to the county's growth;
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Every year the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spends an enormous amount in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
attract tourists. Worldwide, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interested to learn and experience various cultures and tradition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
each country all over the world tries to attract more tourist and earn from it.
For example
, to compare the past few decades, Iran's income has increased several times once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
investing in tourism.
In addition
, Iran's one-third of their income depends on tourism.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are taken
into account
first
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
still
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in rural places are struggling without proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
facility. Even in this modern era, a massive number of students are travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated. The regime should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
issue on top of others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the country's growth relies on the number of educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, according to the 2019 survey of Times, worldwide, 46% of children do not have proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
facilities.
Hence
, it is the sole responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to provide an adequate education.

To conclude
, although it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should consider the top of others. I believe, in the future, the bureaucracy will consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as the most priority
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
will taken depends on the need.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay The pie chart below shows information about different types of pollutants entering in a particular area of ocean in 1997 and 2007 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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