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the pie chart below show units of electricity production by fuel source in australia and france in 1980 and 2000. v.2

the pie chart below show units of electricity production by fuel source in australia and france in 1980 and 2000. v. 2
The given pie charts illustrate a large discrepancy between the percentage of fuel source which is an electricity production in two different countries Australia and France from 1980 to 2000. Overall, Australia in 2000 was accounted for the highest of total electricity production in comparison with the others. Besides, there was vast change in the units of electricity by fuel source over the given period. In Australia, not only the total production in 2000 constitute 170 units of electricity, but it also was higher than that of 1980, which stood at 100 units. Moreover, in 1980, the percentage of coal was 50%, which was the highest comparing to the others, then dramatically increased to 130% in 2000. In addition, the proportion of the hydro power gradually rose from 20% in 1980 to 36% in 2000. While, there was a sharply decrease in the most figures in 2000. In France, there was a fluctuation of 25% in the figure of coal over the 20-year period, while, the percentage of nuclear power was seen in the significant growth of 111%. Additionally, the year 2000 experienced a marginal development of 5% in the percentage of oil. Meanwhile, that of hydro power and natural gas was vanished in 2000.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate a large discrepancy between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of fuel source which is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
production in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries Australia and France from 1980 to 2000.

Overall
, Australia in 2000
was accounted
for the highest of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
production
in comparison
with the others.
Besides
, there was vast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the units of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
by fuel source over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.

In Australia, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the total production in 2000 constitute 170 units of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
was higher than that of 1980, which stood at 100 units.
Moreover
, in 1980, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of coal was 50%, which was the highest comparing to the others, then
dramatically
increased to 130% in 2000.
In addition
, the proportion of the
This word is normally spelled as one.
hydro power
gradually
rose from 20% in 1980 to 36% in 2000.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, there was a
You used an adverb ('sharply') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('decrease') instead of another adjective.
sharply decrease
in the most figures in 2000.

In France, there was a fluctuation of 25% in the figure of coal over the 20-year period, while, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of nuclear power was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the significant growth of 111%.
Additionally
, the year 2000 experienced a marginal development of 5% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of oil. Meanwhile, that of
This word is normally spelled as one.
hydro power
and natural gas
was vanished
in 2000.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay the pie chart below show units of electricity production by fuel source in australia and france in 1980 and 2000. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
205 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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