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The personal and work-related challenges that young people face today are not very different from the challenges their parents and grandparents faced in the past v.1

The personal and work-related challenges that young people face today are not very different from the challenges their parents and grandparents faced in the past v. 1
Whether motivating kids for challenging extra curricular activities is more beneficial or collaborating with other people has more advantages, has been discussed. In my opinion, both competitive sports and co-operating with people around plays a vital role in development of one's personality. On the one hand, there are numerous benefits of children participating in sports. First and foremost merit is that this is very important for a healthy lifestyle in today's time. This is because, kids nowadays are more into playing online games which entice them to stay home. As a result, they become lazy, unfit and, thus lead a sedentary life. Furthermore, encouraging children to take part in outdoor games will not only benefit their health, but they can also opt it as a career as they grow old. Consequently, this can gain them national and international recognition. On the other hand, working with different people has countless advantages for an individual's well being. That is to say, it not only develops social skills, but also inculcates other soft skills as well. Collaborating with different people gives a deep insight of their life and experiences which can be used for personal benefits. Moreover, socialising creates connection with different people, which can be useful to get future jobs. For example, a recent survey on the job market in West revealed that majority of the people who got the job were referred by their friends To conclude, while people may have varied opinions, I strongly believe that outdoor activities and collaboration has equal benefits. While it is important for children to participate in different games in order to stay healthy and fit, it is also very significant for them to meet, socialise and work with different kind of people due to its obvious benefits.
Whether motivating kids for challenging
extra curricular
activities is more beneficial or collaborating with other
people
has
more advantages, has
been discussed
. In my opinion, both competitive sports and co-operating with
people
around plays a vital role in development of one's personality.

On the one hand, there are numerous
benefits
of children participating in sports.
First
and foremost merit is that this is
very
important
for a healthy lifestyle in
today
's time. This is
because
, kids nowadays are more into playing online games which entice them to stay home.
As a result
, they become lazy, unfit and,
thus
lead a sedentary life.
Furthermore
, encouraging children to
take part
in outdoor games will not
only
benefit
their health,
but
they can
also
opt it as a career as they grow
old
.
Consequently
, this can gain them national and international recognition.

On the other hand
, working with
different
people
has
countless advantages for an individual's
well being
.
That is
to say, it not
only
develops social
skills
,
but
also
inculcates other soft
skills
as well
. Collaborating with
different
people
gives
a deep insight of their life and experiences which can be
used
for personal
benefits
.
Moreover
,
socialising
creates connection with
different
people
, which can be useful to
get
future jobs.
For example
, a recent survey on the job market in West revealed that majority of the
people
who
got
the job
were referred
by their
friends


To conclude
, while
people
may have varied opinions, I
strongly
believe that outdoor activities and collaboration has equal
benefits
. While it is
important
for children to participate in
different
games in order to stay healthy and fit, it is
also
very
significant for them to
meet
,
socialise
and work with
different
kind of
people
due to its obvious
benefits
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The personal and work-related challenges that young people face today are not very different from the challenges their parents and grandparents faced in the past v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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