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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v.5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v. 5
In the last decade, obesity in young children has been one of the most alarming concerns around the world. Children mostly in developed countries are more prone to being overweight and less fit which leads to many behavior disorders and might have fatal consequences in the long run. This essay will discuss the causes of being overweight and how it affects the upbringing of young children. There are a number of causes that have led to this disturbing trend, but the main causes are increased consumption of junk food and less supervision by parents on the use of technology. In recent years, the food industry has grown tremendously. New types of snacks and dishes which are mostly fried and having unhealthy sauces are prevalent among children of different age groups. Consumption of such foods on a daily basis has led to an increase in obesity levels by 20% among children. Moreover, parents are busy with their work and jobs, which leaves a kid no option other than to get distracted by, mobile phones or computers leading to a sedentary behavior. A survey conducted by the Health Ministry in Australia stated that parents who do not give enough time to their offspring are more prone to being obese. The effects of the above-mentioned causes would also affect a youngster physically and psychologically. If a child is overweight, he could be teased by his classmates, which would only demotivate him and put him into depression. Such type of effect would not only lead to a less confident youngster but also make him less socialized. In real-time, for instance, many obese children are bullied by their colleagues. Other than that, they become less active and attract more lifestyle disorder diseases like high blood pressure or diabetes. To conclude, obesity is a lifestyle disorder and can be avoided if proper supervision and guidance are provided to young children by their parents and teachers. Its causes and effects can have a huge impact on a kid’s upbringing.
In the last decade, obesity in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has been one of the most alarming concerns around the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
mostly
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
are more prone to being overweight and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
fit which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
behavior disorders and might have fatal consequences in the long run. This essay will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of being overweight and how it affects the upbringing of young children.

There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
that have led to this disturbing trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
are increased
consumption of junk food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
supervision by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology. In recent years, the food industry has grown
tremendously
. New types of snacks and dishes which are
mostly
fried and having unhealthy sauces are prevalent among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups. Consumption of such foods on a daily basis has led to an increase in obesity levels by 20% among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy with their work and jobs, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a kid no option other than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted by, mobile phones or computers leading to a sedentary behavior. A survey conducted by the Health Ministry in Australia stated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who do not give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to their offspring are more prone to being obese.

The effects of the above-mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
would
also
affect a youngster
physically
and
psychologically
. If a child is overweight, he could
be teased
by his classmates, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
demotivate him and put him into depression. Such type of effect would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
confident youngster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
socialized. In real-time,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are bullied
by their colleagues. Other than that, they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
active and attract more lifestyle disorder diseases like high blood pressure or diabetes.

To conclude
, obesity is a lifestyle disorder and can
be avoided
if proper supervision and guidance
are provided
to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers. Its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
and effects can have a huge impact on a kid’s upbringing.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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