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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.11

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v. 11
Over the last ten years, western societies have seen close to a 20% rise in the number of children who are overweight. This essay will discuss some reasons why this has occurred and examine the consequences of this worrying trend. The main cause of this problem is poor diet. Over the last decade there has been a prolific increase in the number of fast food restaurants. For example, on nearly every high street there is a MacDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut. The food in these places has been proven to be very unhealthy, and much of the advertising is targeted at children, thus ensuring that they constitute the bulk of the customers of these establishments. However, it is not only due to eating out, but also the type of diet many children have at home. A lot of food consumed is processed food, especially with regards to ready-made meals which are a quick and easy option for parents who are working hard. The effects of this have been and will continue to be very serious. Firstly, there has been a large increase in health related diseases amongst children, especially diabetes. This debilitating illness means a child has to be injected with insulin for the rest of their life. Not only this, very overweight children often experience bullying from other children, which may affect their mental health. The negative stigma of being overweight may also affect self-esteem. To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of obesity amongst children, and a variety of negative effects. Society must ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem from deteriorating further.
Over the last ten years, western societies have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
close to a 20% rise in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are overweight. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why this has occurred and examine the consequences of this worrying trend.

The main cause of this problem is poor diet. Over the last decade there has been a prolific increase in the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants.
For example
, on
nearly
every high street there is a MacDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in these places has
been proven
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhealthy, and much of the advertising
is targeted
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
thus
ensuring that they constitute the bulk of the customers of these establishments.
However
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to eating out,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the type of diet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumed
is processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
especially
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
ready-made meals which are a quick and easy option for parents who are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

The effects of this have been and will continue to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious.
Firstly
, there has been a large increase in health related diseases amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
diabetes. This debilitating illness means a child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be injected
with insulin for the rest of their life. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
experience bullying from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which may affect their mental health. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
stigma of being overweight may
also
affect self-esteem.

To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of obesity amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. Society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure steps
are taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem from deteriorating
further
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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