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Some people believe that it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people believe that it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. v. 3
Nowadays, physical activities are a part of our lives, they are inside of our routine and everybody needs them. School kids are not the exception, but some people prefer to give them more academic activities than sports. In this essay we will cover both points of views. Some persons would like to provide activities related to academia, like science, physics, biology, among others, and keep aside sports. Although it is true that academic subjects are important for the education, children needs to play sports to improve their mobility and health. The world has had an increase the obesity rate due to sedentary lifestyle, and unfortunately, kids are included I think children must have physical education. They must be encouraged to play sports, to have an active life, because that is what is going to help them to develop a healthy lifestyle and it will reduce in the future this obesity rate. Also, this will help to increase blood oxygen and it will help to increase their memory. In the other hand, children need to have different activities, while they spend most of their time in academic activities, they need a change to think about other things, to move all their bodies to improve their mobility. In conclusion, is unacceptable that people think about giving kids more academic activities than physical ones, even more when we know that video games are making children taking a sedentary lifestyle. So what will happened if schools remove all physical activities? I think that obesity rate for children will be higher because now they won't care about their health if they don't learn about that in school.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are a part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, they are
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
our routine and everybody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
them. School kids are not the exception,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to give them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In this essay we will cover both points of views.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
persons would like to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
related to academia, like science, physics, biology, among others, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
aside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Although it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mobility and health.

The world has had an increase the obesity rate due to sedentary lifestyle, and unfortunately, kids
are included


I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, to have an active life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that is
what is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop a healthy lifestyle and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
in the future this obesity rate.
Also
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase blood oxygen and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase their memory.

In the other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, while they spend most of their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about other things, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
all their bodies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mobility.

In conclusion
, is unacceptable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about giving kids more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
ones, even more when we know that video games are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
taking a sedentary lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
what will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "happen"
happened
if schools remove all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
? I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that obesity rate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be higher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they won't care about their health if they don't learn about that in school.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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