Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v.4

Obesity in children has always been a major cause of concern. The western world has witnessed a rise of 20 % in children who are overweight over the past decade or so. This essay will discuss some of the causes of this disturbing trend and examine the possible consequences of the same. The main cause of this problem is poor diet. Over the last decade there has been a prolific increase in the number of fast food restaurants. For example, on nearly every street there is a MacDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut. The food in these places has been proven to be very unhealthy, and much of the advertising is targeted at children, thus ensuring that they constitute the bulk of the clientele of these food chains. However, it is not Only due to eating out, but also the type of food many children have at home. A lot of foodstuff consumed is processed food, especially with regards to ready-made meals which are a quick and easy option for parents who are working hard. The effects of this have been and will continue to be very serious. Firstly, there has been a large increase in health related diseases amongst children, especially diabetes. This incapacitating illness means a kid has to be injected with insulin for the rest of their life. Not only this, very overweight children often experience harassment from other children, which may affect their mental health. In several cases, the negative dishonour of being overweight may also affect the child’s sense of worth. To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of obesity amongst children, and a variety of negative effects. Society must ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem from deteriorating further.
Obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has always been a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of concern. The western world has witnessed a rise of 20 % in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are overweight over the past decade or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This essay will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this disturbing trend and examine the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
possible


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequences
of the same.

The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of this problem is poor diet. Over the last decade there has been a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
prolific


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
increase
in the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants.
For example
, on
nearly
every street there is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
a


MacDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in these places has
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
been


proven to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhealthy, and much of the advertising
is targeted
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
thus


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ensuring
that they constitute the bulk of the clientele of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains.
However
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
due to eating out,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
foodstuff consumed
is processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
especially
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
ready-made meals
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
which


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
are
a quick and easy option for parents who are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

The effects of this have been and will continue to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious.
Firstly
, there has been a large increase in health related diseases amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
diabetes. This incapacitating illness means a kid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be injected
with insulin for the rest of their life. Not

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
experience harassment from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which may affect their mental health. In several cases, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'dishonour' is British English.
dishonour
of being
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
overweight


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
may
also
affect the child’s sense of worth.

To sum up, it is evident that there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of obesity amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and a

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
variety
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. Society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure steps
are taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
from


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
deteriorating
further
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Essay
  American English
14 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts