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Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. v. 1
Given that computers and information technology are a crucial part of the modern world, it makes sense that children can acquire some valuable skills from playing electronic games. However, simply using technology to play games is not necessarily a productive use of time. One of the main benefits for young people playing computer games is that is can enhance their hand-eye coordination and spatial awareness (How? ). In a video game, the player often has to move the character around to avoid enemies and obstacles and this develops a child’s ability to use their hands, eyes, and also grow their strategic skills. ” Moreover, many computer games can have an educational component, which means that a game can be fun but still teach the child something useful (Example? ). For example, instead of learning arithmetic from a textbook, primary school children can learn to count with a shooting game where they increase their score by “shooting” the correct answer. This makes education more interactive and exciting for young learners. On the other hand, it must be admitted that educational games are not the first choice of children. Normally, they want to play something that is more action-packed or something they can play online with their friends. Explosions and violence are more attractive than playing maths games, and children will be drawn to them rather than their studies. Furthermore, computer games require very little physical activity. A lack of exercise among young people is leading to an increase in childhood obesity and related diseases. Sitting insides all day, also hinders a child’s ability to build their social skills and become confident in the real world. Overall, playing computer games can help a child to gain some useful life skills and knowledge. Nevertheless, this is not guaranteed. Playing electronic games in moderation is fine, but life skills must be learned from all areas of life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that computers and information technology are a crucial part of the modern world, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
However
,
simply
using technology to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not
necessarily
a productive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of time.

One of the main benefits for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
that is
can enhance their hand-eye coordination and spatial awareness (How?
Loose punctuation mark.
)
. In a video game, the player
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the character around to avoid enemies and obstacles and this develops a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their hands, eyes, and
also
grow their strategic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. ”

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have an educational component, which means that a game can be fun
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
something useful (Example?
Loose punctuation mark.
)
.
For example
,
instead
of learning arithmetic from a textbook, primary school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn to count with a shooting game where they increase their score by “shooting” the correct answer. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
education more interactive and exciting for young learners.

On the other hand
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not the
first
choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Normally
, they want to play something
that is
more action-packed or something they can play online with their friends. Explosions and violence are more attractive than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be drawn
to them
rather
than their studies.

Furthermore
, computer
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games
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
physical activity. A lack of exercise among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
leading to an increase in childhood obesity and related diseases. Sitting insides all day,
also
hinders a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
ability to build their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and become confident in the real world.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and knowledge.
Nevertheless
, this is not guaranteed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in moderation is fine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be learned
from all areas of life.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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