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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trends v.16

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trends v. 16
Children are the beautiful and precious gift of nature to parents. Over the last decade, the rate of obese children has rose by nearly 20% in the western society. This essay will discuss the possible causes and effects of this problem. To initialize, the main reason for overweight in children includes various circumstances. Firstly, young one prefers to eat and drink junk foods as they are often regarded as very unhealthy. Parents nowadays are very busy in their daily life so they don’t have free time to prepare and feed healthy foods to their offspring. Besides that, with a great development in technologies, children these days have become more lethargic and lazy; which is one of the major causes of obesity in children. To illustrate it, a recent study of children in America, almost 50% of young ones suffer from obesity; whereas others remain healthy and fit. Furthermore, children do not eat the proper foods at the correct time. On the other hand, there are some major effects of this problem. Firstly, the health of children gradually starts to deteriorate as time passes by. Also, they become less active in sports and daily activities. Secondly, dreadful diseases like cancer, diabetes can be seen in children these days. Moreover, in schools and public places these types of children are bullied because of their fat body; as a result, they lose their self-confidence which leads to chronic depression and mental problems. In conclusion, there are numerous reasons for obesity in children in western societies. Unhealthy lifestyle and active schedule of parents are the crucial cause of this problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and precious gift of nature to parents. Over the last decade, the rate of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has rose by
nearly
20% in the western society. This essay will discuss the possible causes and effects of this problem.

To initialize, the main reason for overweight in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
includes various circumstances.
Firstly
, young one prefers to eat and drink junk foods as they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regarded as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhealthy. Parents nowadays are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy in their daily life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t have free time to prepare and feed healthy foods to their offspring.
Besides
that, with a great development in technologies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days have become more lethargic and lazy; which is one of the major causes of obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To illustrate it, a recent study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in America, almost 50% of young ones suffer from obesity; whereas others remain healthy and fit.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not eat the proper foods at the correct time.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major effects of this problem.
Firstly
, the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to deteriorate as time passes by.
Also
, they become less active in sports and daily activities.
Secondly
, dreadful diseases like cancer, diabetes can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days.
Moreover
, in schools and public places these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are bullied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
body;
as a result
, they lose their self-confidence which leads to chronic depression and mental problems.

In conclusion
, there are numerous reasons for obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in western societies. Unhealthy lifestyle and active schedule of parents are the crucial cause of this problem.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trends v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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