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The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss causes and effects of this disturbing trends. Give your solution for the causes. v.6

The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss causes and effects of this disturbing trends. Give your solution for the causes. v. 6
Weight is one of the factors affecting the health greatly that means a good physique will certainly go hand in hand with a good health. However, the figure of children at risk of obesity has grown up by about 20% in recent years, which is bothering a lot of people, especially the Westerners because overweight brings many issues. What is the main reason for gaining weight uncontrolledly? First of all, scientists find that an imbalanced diet including junk food or fast food could lead to chubby kids. Most of the fast food has exceeding levels of sugar and fats which are directly associated with increasing weight. For example, a hamburger with cheese contains about 600 calories, meanwhile a child need consume only between 1200 and 1600 calories per day, and thus if he hungrily devours two hamburgers and a cup of coca at the same time, he will get enough energy for all day! Not only excessive calorie intake, exercising irregularly is also a critical factor which comes to obesity, especially young children. They tend to sprawl about on the sofa, watch their favorite cartoons, nibble potato chips rather than attend outdoor activities such as playing sports or swimming. The kid may become obese with a shorter neck, a bulging stomach and even fat limbs. In conclusion, overweight is an obsession of every single person and the causes of obesity are evenly encountered. Therefore, a balanced diet that contains a lot of fibers and minerals instead of fat should be included in daily menu; especially, taking exercises every morning about 30 minutes could control the weight considerably.
Weight
is one of the factors affecting the health
greatly
that means a
good
physique will
certainly
go hand in hand with a
good
health.
However
, the figure of children at
risk
of obesity has grown up by about 20% in recent years, which is bothering
a lot of
people
,
especially
the Westerners
because
overweight brings
many
issues.

What is the main reason for gaining
weight
uncontrolledly
?
First of all
, scientists find that an imbalanced diet including junk food or
fast
food could lead to chubby kids. Most of the
fast
food has exceeding levels of sugar and fats which are
directly
associated with increasing
weight
.
For example
, a hamburger with cheese contains about 600 calories, meanwhile a child need consume
only
between 1200 and 1600 calories per day, and
thus
if he
hungrily
devours two hamburgers and a cup of coca at the same time, he will
get
enough
energy for all day!

Not
only
excessive calorie intake, exercising
irregularly
is
also
a critical factor which
comes
to obesity,
especially
young children. They tend to sprawl about on the sofa,
watch
their favorite cartoons, nibble potato chips
rather
than attend outdoor activities such as playing sports or swimming. The kid may become obese with a shorter neck, a bulging stomach and even
fat
limbs.

In conclusion
, overweight is an obsession of every single person and the causes of obesity are
evenly
encountered.
Therefore
, a balanced diet that contains
a lot of
fibers and minerals
instead
of
fat
should
be included
in daily menu;
especially
, taking exercises every morning about 30 minutes could control the
weight
considerably
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss causes and effects of this disturbing trends. Give your solution for the causes. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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