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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v.15

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v. 15
In recent years, Western societies have seen close to a 20% rise in the number of children with high body weight. This essay will discuss some causes and consequences of childhood overweight. The main cause of childhood overweight is poor diet. Over the last decade, there has been a prolific increase in the number of fast food restaurants. For example, on nearly every high street there is a MacDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut. The dishes in these places have been proven to be very unhealthy, and much of the advertising is targeted at children, thus ensuring that they constitute the bulk of the customers of these establishments. However, it is not only due to eating out, but also the type of diet many children have at home. A lot of meals consumed is processed food, especially with regards to ready-made meals which are a quick and easy option for parents who are working hard. As a result, the effects of childhood overweight are both physical and mental. Considering the effects on the body, there have been a large increase in health related diseases amongst children, especially diabetes, which is a debilitating illness that requires lifelong theraphy with insulin injections. Considering the mind effects, the negative stigma of having a high Body Mass Index may also affect self-esteem. As an example, most recent research shows that obese children often experience bullying from their school mates, which may affect their psychology. To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of overweight amongst children, and a variety of negative effects. Society must ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem from deteriorating further.
In recent years, Western societies have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
close to a 20% rise in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with high body weight. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes and consequences of childhood overweight.

The main cause of childhood overweight is poor diet. Over the last decade, there has been a prolific increase in the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food restaurants.
For example
, on
nearly
every high street there is a MacDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut. The dishes in these places have
been proven
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhealthy, and much of the advertising
is targeted
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
thus
ensuring that they constitute the bulk of the customers of these establishments.
However
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to eating out,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the type of diet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
meals consumed
is processed
food,
especially
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
ready-made meals which are a quick and easy option for parents who are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

As a result
, the effects of childhood overweight are both physical and mental. Considering the effects on the body, there have been a large increase in health related diseases amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
diabetes, which is a debilitating illness that requires lifelong
Possible spelling mistake found.
theraphy
with insulin injections. Considering the mind effects, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
stigma of having a high Body Mass Index may
also
affect self-esteem. As an example, most recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
experience bullying from their school mates, which may affect their psychology.

To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of overweight amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. Society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure steps
are taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem from deteriorating
further
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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