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Personal finance is a topic that should be taught to students in elementary school. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Personal finance is a topic that should be taught to students in elementary school. v. 1
In this era, money management is becoming a matter of great concern, and some opine that pupils should be taught about it at the junior level. I agree with this stance because children’s cognitive abilities are better at this stage, and also they should know the value of their parent’s hard-earned money. To begin with, school is the place where children spend the majority of their time after home, so it is convenient for their teachers teach them about the value of money. As kids are growing intellectually during this period and are very receptive to new things, so it is ideal for teaching them about money matters and training them how to spend wisely and to save for their future. For instance, in the United States, the majority of students take loans for their higher studies and have to spend years repaying their debts. So, it is better for children to realise the worth of money for their future life as early as possible to avoid further inconveniences. Secondly, they should be aware of the hard work and difficulties their parents have to face to earn bread for them. This new realization will prove a key changer in their future life as they will be careful in their spending and emphasise more on savings and also making a strong family bonding. For example, it is a common observation that those people are more efficient in making their house budgets, who have seen their parents doing this practice in their childhood. Thus, the early involvement of kids in money matters can make them modest and well organized in their future lives. To conclude, being an essential aspect of life, students should be taught about financial management as early as possible to utilize their maximum learning abilities. And also make them realize the value of their parent's hard work in their earing and opting these habits in ordering their future.
In this era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management is becoming a matter of great concern, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that pupils should
be taught
about it at the junior level. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this stance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children’s cognitive abilities are better at this stage, and
also
they should know the value of their parent’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, school is the place where children spend the majority of their time after home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is convenient for their teachers teach them about the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. As kids are growing
intellectually
during this period and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
receptive to new things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is ideal for teaching them about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
matters and training them how to spend
wisely
and to save for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For instance
, in the United States, the majority of students take loans for their higher studies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend years repaying their debts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is better for children to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the worth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life as early as possible to avoid
further
inconveniences.

Secondly
, they should be aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and difficulties their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face to earn bread for them. This new realization will prove a key changer in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life as they will be careful in their spending and
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
more on savings and
also
making a strong family bonding.
For example
, it is a common observation that those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more efficient in making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
budgets, who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
their parents doing this practice in their childhood.
Thus
, the early involvement of kids in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
matters can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them modest and well organized in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, being an essential aspect of life, students should
be taught
about financial management as early as possible to utilize their maximum learning abilities. And
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
Do not mix variants of the same word ('realize' and 'realise') within a single text.
realize
the value of their parent's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
earing
and opting these habits in ordering their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Personal finance is a topic that should be taught to students in elementary school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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