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the percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution. v.1

the percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution. v. 1
Research has shown that childhood obesity has risen by twenty percent in the western world. There are several factors which have played a role in this. Also, there are a number of effects of being overweight. One of the major factors that has contributed to an increase in children’s weight is unhealthy food. The number of children eating this kind of food is on the rise, and the increasing number of fast food restaurants is responsible for that. These restaurants sell tasty food to attract children, but these foods contain unhealthy ingredients, such as fat and salt. This occurs because some advertisements encourage children to eat unhealthy meals. Lastly, children do not give time for outdoor activities because they spend more time watching television or playing games on computers at home, which leads to a sedentary lifestyle. As a result of the above factors, children become overweight. This then leaves children prone to many problems. They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes, during their late age of life. These conditions are life threatening. In addition, these children can be tortured at school by peers, which can have effects on their mental health like stress, anxiety and insomnia. These problems, in turn, often result in lower productivity at school. Futhermore, they are less likely to be selected for school sports teams because the selecting team might be concerned about their fitness. In conclusion, factors like poor diet and sedentary lifestyles because of advances in technology have led to an increase in overweight children, and this may cause serious physiological and psychological problems to children's health.
Research has shown that childhood obesity has risen by twenty percent in the western world. There are several
factors
which have played a role in this.
Also
, there are a number of effects of being overweight.

One of the major
factors
that has contributed to an increase in
children’s
weight is unhealthy
food
. The number of
children
eating this kind of
food
is on the rise, and the increasing number of
fast
food
restaurants is responsible for that. These restaurants sell tasty
food
to attract
children
,
but
these
foods
contain unhealthy ingredients, such as
fat
and salt. This occurs
because
some
advertisements encourage
children
to eat unhealthy meals.
Lastly
,
children
do not give time for outdoor activities
because
they spend more time watching television or playing games on computers at home, which leads to a sedentary lifestyle.
As a result
of the above
factors
,
children
become overweight.

This then
leaves
children
prone to
many
problems. They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes, during their late age of life. These conditions are life threatening.
In addition
, these
children
can
be tortured
at school by peers, which can have effects on their mental health like
stress
, anxiety and insomnia. These problems, in turn,
often
result in lower productivity at school.
Futhermore
, they are less likely to
be selected
for

school sports teams
because
the selecting team might
be concerned
about their fitness.

In conclusion
,
factors
like poor diet and sedentary lifestyles
because
of advances in technology have led to an increase in overweight
children
, and this may cause serious physiological and psychological problems to children's health.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay the percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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