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The percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20 percent in last ten years. discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution v.1

The percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20 percent in last ten years. discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution v. 1
The number of children who live in developed countries and being overweight is rising approximately 20 percent in this decade. This essay will discuss several reasons and possible solutions of obese children's problems. It is clear that obese children are a significant issue in the western communities, especially in last ten years. That is to say, there has been nearly 20 percent children have overweight during last decade. Fast food habits and sedentary life linking to computer game addiction are the main reasons. These tendencies have captured of many teenage who suffered with obesity. Meanwhile, obesity can cause other vital health issues such as respiratory disorders, cardiovascular diseases. It can be a good example a social project which aim to protect our kids from these illnesses run a local company since 2000. They deliver free soup and salad in the lunch time after school, so kids keep away from fast food chains. It can be a solution health eating habits are learned in youth, and also they should educate about the harmful effects of obesity. On the other hand, computer games have detrimental impacts at teenagers. Most of them play these games after school, thus they never have enough time to do sport or any other hobbies. Not only physical, also personal development, namely cognitive and mental skills can be limited. Thus, all society should be aware of children's this situation, and everybody should encourage kids to do sports like as biking, running, walking. In conclusion, I restate again that obesity is a major issue in developed countries in last years. All children can be protected fast food chains and computer games in order to decrease the rate of overweight person.
The number of
children
who
live
in
developed countries
and being overweight is rising approximately 20 percent in this decade. This essay will discuss several reasons and possible solutions of obese children's problems.

It is
clear
that obese
children
are a significant issue in the western communities,
especially
in last ten years.
That is
to say, there has been
nearly
20 percent
children
have overweight during last decade.
Fast
food habits and sedentary life linking to computer game addiction are the main reasons. These tendencies have captured of
many
teenage who suffered with obesity. Meanwhile, obesity can cause other vital health issues such as respiratory disorders, cardiovascular diseases. It can be a
good
example a social project which aim to protect our kids from these illnesses run a local
company
since 2000. They deliver free soup and salad in the
lunch time
after school,
so
kids
keep
away from
fast
food chains. It can be a solution health eating habits
are learned
in youth, and
also
they should educate about the harmful effects of obesity.

On the other hand
, computer
games
have detrimental impacts at
teenagers
. Most of them play these
games
after school,
thus
they never have
enough
time to do sport or any other hobbies. Not
only
physical,
also
personal development,
namely
cognitive and mental
skills
can
be limited
.
Thus
, all society should be aware of children's this situation, and everybody should encourage kids to do sports like as biking, running, walking.

In conclusion
, I restate again that obesity is a major issue in
developed countries
in last years. All
children
can
be protected
fast
food chains and computer
games
in order to decrease the rate of overweight person.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20 percent in last ten years. discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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