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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.7

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement? v. 7
There have been immense advances in the sphere of technology in most aspects of people’s lives, especially in the field of social media. Nowadays, an increasing number of people rely on computers and mobile phones to communicate, studying or working purposes. Some people believe that usage of internet very harmful for humans and there are also drawbacks too. Some people argue that, the role of socialize started to fade because highly developed technologies has undergone many changes, from the time the there were not harmful and dirty sides of internet. In these days when people can face with a lot of problems, as crimes, thefts and violences, which are happening through using of internet. For example, in Mexico, burglars stole about 2million dollars through access of online banking, in addition, currently, the government of Mexico are suffering from bankruptcy, because thousands of people returned or closed their bills, as a result, millions of employers lost own position. On the other hand, social media also impact people behaviour, mainly Facebook and Instragram alter minds of people, furthermore, now more than ever, people become antagonistic and the proportion of camaraderie also decreased, especially, teens suffer from this problem. Currently, significantly larger number of youngsters addicted to mobile phones in our worldwide, certainly it is pity for our generation. Besides, we use technology devices more than the limit in average adults need to use phones less than 2, 5hours, but, currently, normal resident is utilizing more than 5 hours, it is becoming fashion or trend for them. For example, every they post one picture in instagram or change with new ones, if though they superstar, it depends also depend on children's behaviour, as well. To sum up, I believe that, there are clear reasons why internet and social media are harmful for every individual and these will bring negative attitudes which strictly affect on human.
There have been immense advances in the sphere of technology in most aspects of
people’s
lives
,
especially
in the field of social media. Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
rely on computers and mobile phones to communicate, studying or working purposes.
Some
people
believe that usage of internet
very
harmful for humans and there are
also
drawbacks too.

Some
people
argue that, the role of socialize
started
to fade
because
highly
developed technologies has undergone
many
changes
, from the time the there were not harmful and dirty sides of internet. In these days when
people
can face with
a lot of
problems, as crimes, thefts and violences, which are happening through using of internet.
For example
, in Mexico, burglars stole about 2million dollars through access of online banking,
in addition
,
currently
, the
government
of Mexico are suffering from bankruptcy,
because
thousands of
people
returned or closed their bills,
as a result
, millions of employers lost
own
position.

On the other hand
, social media
also
impact
people
behaviour
,
mainly
Facebook and
Instragram
alter minds of
people
,
furthermore
,
now
more than ever,
people
become antagonistic and the proportion of camaraderie
also
decreased,
especially
, teens suffer from this problem.
Currently
,
significantly
larger number of youngsters addicted to mobile phones in our worldwide,
certainly
it is pity for our generation.
Besides
, we
use
technology devices more than the limit in average adults need to
use
phones less than 2, 5hours,
but
,
currently
, normal resident is utilizing more than 5 hours, it is becoming fashion or trend for them.
For example
, every they post one picture in
instagram
or
change
with new ones, if though
they superstar
, it depends
also
depend on children's
behaviour
,
as well
.

To sum up, I believe that, there are
clear
reasons why internet and social media are harmful for every individual and these will bring
negative
attitudes which
strictly
affect
on human.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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