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The percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v.1

The percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v. 1
Nowadays, the number of out-of-school youth who are jobless is increasing. Many people see this as a root cause for individuals’ health problems and the societal issues in general. There are ways, however, to help decrease the volume of teenagers with no jobs. Youth unemployment has caused the country and the population disadvantages. Firstly, it has lead younger people into depression due to the low self-esteem they acquire when dealing with joblessness. This is due to the fact of their lack in having appropriate education that companies refuse to hire them. Second is that it affects the society through older employment demographics. This means that elders need to work more due to lack of youngsters who obtain jobs. If this trend continues, the time will come that old experts will have no younger people to train; hence, leaving the country with lesser professionals. On the bright side, individuals and government should exert effort in finding ways to mitigate this issue. One solution is parental guidance for the youth. Parents should encourage their children to finish school to be properly trained for the professions of their choice. Governments should also help in lowering the teenage unemployment rate by opening more jobs. For instance, local units should employ these young people not only during summer breaks, but throughout the year. This could not only help in increasing their motivation, but also opens more alternative work per youngster. To conclude, unemployment among the minors could be a challenge that could affect people’s well being and the society’s performance. Strategies, both by parents and government, are worth to try to help eliminate this problem. Nevertheless, the goal is to help individuals and the nation to overcome this widespread dilemma.
Nowadays, the number of out-of-school youth who are jobless is increasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as a root cause for individuals’ health problems and the societal issues
in general
. There are ways,
however
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
decrease the volume of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
with no jobs.

Youth unemployment has caused the country and the population disadvantages.
Firstly
, it has lead younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into depression due to the low self-esteem they acquire when dealing with joblessness. This is due to the fact of their lack in having appropriate education that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
refuse to hire them. Second is that it affects the society through older employment demographics. This means that elders need to work more due to lack of youngsters who obtain jobs. If this trend continues, the time will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
experts will have no younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to train;
hence
, leaving the country with lesser professionals.

On the bright side, individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should exert effort in finding ways to mitigate this issue. One solution is parental guidance for the youth. Parents should encourage their children to finish school to be
properly
trained for the professions of their choice.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in lowering the teenage unemployment rate by opening more jobs.
For instance
, local units should employ these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
during summer breaks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
throughout the year. This could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in increasing their motivation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
opens more alternative work per youngster.

To conclude
, unemployment among the minors could be a challenge that could affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
and the society’s performance. Strategies, both by parents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, are worth to try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
eliminate this problem.
Nevertheless
, the goal is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
individuals and the nation to overcome this widespread dilemma.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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