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The chart below give information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The chart below give information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.
Scientists are looking for various methods such as factory farming to improve the quality and quantity of agricultural products. While some people support scientific methods of cultivation, others oppose them. In my opinion, these methods will increase the quantity of the product; however, its quality will be affected. Farmers can significantly increase their yield by adopting scientific methods of cultivation. As population increases, the demand for food products also increases. The only way to meet this need is to increase production. Since conventional methods of farming are not very effective, modern methods like factory farming are the need of the hour. They help to increase yield and make food products available to people all over the world. Scientific methods also increase the shelf life of agricultural products. Consequently, many seasonal fruits and vegetables are now available throughout the year. Scientists have even managed to grow cold climate fruits like apples and grapes in the warm tropics. On the flip side, scientific farming may have a negative impact on the quality of the products. Animals raised in factory farms are often given steroids and antibiotics to grow faster. When people consume the meat of these animals, these chemicals also enter their body. Another source of controversy is the cultivation of GM crops. They are drought resistant and pest resistant and give excellent yields. However, even scientists are not sure whether they are fully safe for consumption. To conclude, modern methods of farming certainly increase yield and as such the adoption of such practices are required to meet the growing demand for food products. However, the quality of these products is certainly a cause of concern. It will be great if scientists manage to address those concerns.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
are looking for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
such as factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
and quantity of agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of cultivation, others oppose them. In my opinion, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the quantity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
;
however
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.

Farmers can
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yield
by adopting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of cultivation. As population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
, the demand for food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
this need is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
production. Since conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
like factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
are the need of the hour. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yield
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all over the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the shelf life of agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
seasonal fruits and vegetables are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available throughout the year.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
have even managed to grow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
climate fruits like apples and grapes in the warm tropics.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Animals raised in factory farms are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
steroids and antibiotics to grow faster. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consume the meat of these animals, these chemicals
also
enter their body. Another source of controversy is the cultivation of GM crops. They are drought resistant and pest resistant and give excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yields
.
However
, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are not sure whether they are
fully
safe for consumption.

To conclude
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
yield
and as such the adoption of such practices
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the growing demand for food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is
certainly
a cause of concern. It will be great if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
manage to address those concerns.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The chart below give information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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