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The chart below gives information on the percentages of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v.1

The chart below gives information on the percentages of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v. 1
From the perspective of some people with social problems and poverty cause people to do crime while others think that due to bad person's nature crimes are committed. There are valid opinions on both sides which will be discussed below. On the one hand, for some reasons, crimes are committed due to social problems and poverty. First of all, it is irrefutable fact that, there are a lot of people on the earth and the most part of their life in the poverty, even more the huge number of people do not have a meal to eat and they do not have a chance to feed their families. Furthermore, due to being incapable of feeding family they are trying to do robbery to find money and many robbers are poor people. Secondly, it is in my opinion is that, social problems can make people nervous or can break their hearts. The most number of people doing crimes such as killing people or doing robbery as a result of being shocked due to social problems. On the other hand, the number of crimes is created due to bad habits of people. Because, we know that not all people are good behaviour and they do not know about good and evil as well as they cannot separate white and black. As a consequence, they would commit many crimes. Ultimately, it is true that, due to the bad nature of people the world would be destroyed by them. To sum up, it is undeniable that, doing evil depends on both of them because many people do crime due to their problems and many people create lawlessness due to bad habits as are mentioned above. «BILOL»
From the perspective of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and poverty cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
person's nature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are committed
. There are valid opinions on both sides which will
be discussed
below.

On the one hand, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and poverty.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is irrefutable fact that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the earth and the most part of their life in the poverty, even more the huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have a meal to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
eat and
they do not have a chance to feed their families.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to being incapable of feeding family they are trying to do robbery to find money and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
robbers are poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, it is in my opinion is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nervous or can break their hearts. The most number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or doing robbery
as a result
of
being shocked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems.

On the other hand
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is created
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, we know that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
behaviour and
they do not know about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and evil
as well
as they cannot separate white and black. As a consequence, they would commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Ultimately
, it is true that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the world would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by them.

To sum up, it is undeniable that, doing evil depends on both of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create lawlessness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits as
are mentioned
above.

«
Possible spelling mistake found.
BILOL
»
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The chart below gives information on the percentages of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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