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The people who live in present era enjoy better living than previous era. ? Whats your opinion and discuss both the views. v.2

The people who live in present era enjoy better living than previous era. ? Whats your opinion and v. 2
The previous era is so different from the present time. Both the periods have their own culture and authenticity. But I firmly believe that the today' s time is somehow have a better living and lifestyle than the old period. In the past years, the standard of living of the people have been very low and the education level also not as much good enough to experience and explore different areas of knowledge. The developments happened years ago has been very challenging and needs a lot of improvements. The people are not aware about so many things and they are not open-minded to accept the new things easily. Farming are considered as most suitable form of earning and going to other professions had lower interest rates. The traditional form of transport used such as bullock carts. Furthermore, the way of communication is posting letters and waiting too long to get replies, it takes so much time and effort to complete the process. Additionally, the hospitals and medical facilities are very poor and have been difficult to reach from the villages conveniently. The literacy and birth rate are considerably less than expected. On the other hand, In present situation the technology has been advanced and have a high level of intelligence added up to the so much information and knowledge. The graph of living is better than past, people have high incomes and expectations for adopting new ways to live. However, the highly equipped medical cares and educational institutions make positive impact over literacy rates and health of public. The people get more concerned about their rights and having a confidence to make decisions about what they want. The form of communication now has been occupied by the phones, emails and video calls. The employment opportunities have unexpectedly growing up in the form of choosing number of skills. Moreover, it is required to focus on the issues which has been made up in next couple of years. In conclusion, I support the statement that the present era is more powerful and versatile than last era, but we have also seen that the certain problems also occur in the today' s world, which had not been appeared decade ago. SO we have to take action for solving it and improving it to make better future.
The previous era is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the present time. Both the periods have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and authenticity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
firmly
believe that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s time is somehow
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
a better living and lifestyle than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
period.

In the past years, the standard of living of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low and the education level
also
not as much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to experience and explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of knowledge. The developments happened years ago has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging and needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
improvements. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
they are not open-minded to accept the new things
easily
. Farming
are considered
as most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of earning and going to other professions had lower interest rates. The traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of transport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
such as bullock carts.
Furthermore
, the way of communication is posting letters and waiting too long to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
replies, it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time and effort to complete the process.
Additionally
, the hospitals and medical facilities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor and have been difficult to reach from the villages
conveniently
. The literacy and birth rate are
considerably
less than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

On the other hand
, In present situation the technology has
been advanced
and have a high level of intelligence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
up to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much information and knowledge. The graph of living is better than past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have high incomes and expectations for adopting new ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
However
, the
highly
equipped medical cares and educational institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact over literacy rates and health of public. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more concerned about their rights and having a confidence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions about what they want. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
has
been occupied
by the phones, emails and video calls.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
employment opportunities have
unexpectedly
growing up in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of choosing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, it
is required
to focus on the issues which has
been made
up in
next
couple of years.

In conclusion
, I support the statement that the present era is more powerful and versatile than last era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the certain problems
also
occur in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world, which had not
been appeared
decade ago.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take action for solving it and improving it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better future.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The people who live in present era enjoy better living than previous era. ? Whats your opinion and v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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