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In the present era, children are found to have fewer responsibilities than it used to be in the past time. Some people consider it as positive development, however, some other people believe it to be a negative trend. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion. v.1

In the present era, children are found to have fewer responsibilities than it used to be in the past time. Some people consider it as positive development, however, some other people believe it to be a negative trend. v. 1
In contemporary society, children are considered to take fewer responsibilities than they were in the past. While this trend could bring more benefits to children, I would argue that it is more likely to have detrimental impact. On the one hand, I can say that this phenomenon is beneficial for children in many ways. First of all, children are given more spare time to enjoy their lifetime if they have to do fewer duties. It goes without saying that some tasks require a huge amount of time to complete such as house hold chores. Moreover, these mundane jobs have to be done every day, which curtails their spending on relax. Secondly, children are happier if they have fewer work to do. It is clear that some duties are so boring and annoying that children certainly are joyful if it is not their responsibilities anymore. Children are not patient enough to accomplish those tasks. On the other hand, I would argue that these benefit are eclipsed by the drawbacks. The most important advantage of letting children work is that it facilitates children’s cognitive and physical development. For instance, when they are told to clean the house, they have to observe their parents work and imitate their actions. By that way, children can learn almost everything in the school or in the office. Secondly, children will become more independent and versatile when they grow up. With abundant tasks they did in the past, which are almost essential for their latter life, children are able to take care themselves when they are adults. In conclusion, while some people believe that children are given lesser responsibilities, I am convinced that children should do some responsibilities on their own to become more self-sufficient.
In contemporary society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are considered
to take fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
than they were in the past. While this trend could bring more benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I would argue that it is more likely to have detrimental impact.

On the one hand, I can say that this phenomenon is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more spare time to enjoy their lifetime if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do fewer duties. It goes without saying that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks require a huge amount of time to complete such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
hold chores.
Moreover
, these mundane jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be done
every day, which curtails their spending on relax.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are happier if they have fewer work to do. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
duties are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
boring and annoying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
certainly
are joyful if it is not their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
anymore.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are not patient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to accomplish those tasks.

On the other hand
, I would argue that
Did you mean "this benefit" or "these benefits"?
these benefit
are eclipsed
by the drawbacks. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantage of letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
work is that it facilitates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
cognitive and physical development.
For instance
, when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to clean the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
observe their parents work and imitate their actions. By that way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn almost everything in the school or in the office.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will become more independent and versatile when they grow up. With abundant tasks they did in the past, which are almost essential for their latter life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to take care themselves when they are adults.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
to become more self-sufficient.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In the present era, children are found to have fewer responsibilities than it used to be in the past time. Some people consider it as positive development, however, some other people believe it to be a negative trend. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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