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Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the history and art of their own country rather than the works of art of other parts of the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.6

Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the history and art of their own country rather than the works of art of other parts of the world. with this opinion? v. 6
The topic of museums and art galleries' concentration is hotly-debated that often divides opinions. Some supporters may see that home country’s history should be presented deeply and clearly, while some critics might claim that many children have not had a chance traveling to other country and learn international history clearly. In my opinion, I do tally agree with the latter since the drawbacks of museums and art galleries presenting local contents do outweigh their benefits. However, some advocators may argue that modern people do not have enough knowledge about their ancestors, it will be better to establish studying places involve that. Still, I found that this argument is invalid because all citizens normally familiar with their nation’s history. Therefore, it is not uncommon that the popularity of other region’s story increases continuously. Is it acceptable to focus on only chronicle of their own nation? On top of that, another obvious benefit of concentrating on worldwide chronicles is raising understand about international crisis. World War II, for example, has not well known about a true cause; if teens deserved the fact of this story, they will be instilled consciousness about poaching independence and lands of other countries in an illegal way. Besides, Children can absorb the reasons causing serious event around the world and apply those in education at school; moreover, this mentioned reason like a way to explain cultural value of distinctive countries as well. Although there are a large number of story around the world collected and separated correctly, it will be worthwhile. In conclusion, eventhough interesting in homeland history pose some minor merits, museums and art galleries presenting chronicle from other parts of the world show much more benefits to society. So, I would like to suggest that government support an amount of money to make this project comes true, and to advise that people concentrate story excepting their own region in addition to avoid futuristic troubles which happened in the past before.
The topic of museums and art
Possible spelling mistake found.
galleries&
#039; concentration is
hotly
-debated that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
divides opinions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
supporters may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should
be presented
deeply
and
clearly
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critics might claim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children have not had a chance traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and learn international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
clearly
. In my opinion, I do tally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter since the drawbacks of museums and art galleries presenting local contents do outweigh their benefits.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
advocators
may argue that modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about their ancestors, it will be better to establish studying places involve that.
Still
, I found that this argument is invalid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all citizens
normally
familiar with their nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
Therefore
, it is not uncommon that the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
region’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
increases
continuously
. Is it acceptable to focus on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
chronicle of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation?

On top of that
, another obvious benefit of concentrating on worldwide chronicles is raising understand about international crisis.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
War II,
for example
, has not well known about a true cause; if teens deserved the fact of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
, they will
be instilled
consciousness about poaching independence and lands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Consider replacing "in an illegal way" with the adverb for "illegal"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an illegal way
.
Besides
, Children can absorb the reasons causing serious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and apply those in education at school;
moreover
, this mentioned reason like a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
cultural value of distinctive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as well
. Although there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
collected and separated
correctly
, it will be worthwhile.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
eventhough
interesting in homeland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor merits, museums and art galleries presenting chronicle from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
much more benefits to society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I would like to suggest that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support an amount of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this project
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
true, and to advise that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
concentrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
excepting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
region
in addition
to avoid futuristic troubles which happened in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the history and art of their own country rather than the works of art of other parts of the world. with this opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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