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The people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that government should spend money on more important things. discuss both side of view and give your opinion. v.1

The people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that government should spend money on more important things. v. 1
Nowadays, social media is a platform for people to share their views and their opinion on various topics. However, it is argued that these sites have a devastating effect on the society and the individuals. The results of the study showed that there are both positive and negative impacts of social media platforms. In this essay, I intend to delve into the positive and negative social impacts of these sites and prefer to give my opinion at the end. Firstly, the positive impacts of social media is that, it is great for making and maintaining relationships with people, self-expression, self-identity, emotional support, and community building. For individuals, social media is used to keep in touch with friends and extended family. Secondly, social media have also been used to increase awareness of social and political issues and organize demonstrations. Moreover, social media provides academic research and allows people to find jobs. These platforms are extensively used by users for elevating their business and marketing, this has expanded boundaries of our imagination On the other sided, frequently cited disadvantages of social media include a decrease in real-world, personal connections and the possibilities of cyberbullying, stalking, hacking, and other privacy concerns. There are several causes that contribute to the invasion of privacy throughout social networking platforms. Studies has been recognized that by design, social media technologies contest mechanisms for control and access to personal data, as the sharing of user-generated content is central to their function. Although, the amount of information we share in the social media space intensifies the issues. To conclude, most people want privacy and control over their own data. In order to keep the privacy, have boundaries with respect to what material you will share and should limit the very personal data. Although, social media is the best platform for sharing views and making people come closer, however, in my opinion, these platforms can be breached, which may cause damage to the users.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to share their views and their opinion on various topics.
However
, it
is argued
that these sites have a devastating effect on the society and the individuals. The results of the study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
. In this essay, I intend to delve into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
impacts of these sites and prefer to give my opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is that, it is great for making and maintaining relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, self-expression, self-identity, emotional support, and community building. For individuals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with friends and extended family.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have
also
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to increase awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and political issues and organize demonstrations.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
provides academic research and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find jobs. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
are
extensively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by users for elevating their business and marketing, this has expanded boundaries of our
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
imagination


On the other sided,
frequently
cited disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
include a decrease in real-world, personal connections and the possibilities of cyberbullying, stalking, hacking, and other privacy concerns. There are several causes that contribute to the invasion of privacy throughout
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "study has".
Studies has
been recognized
that by design,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
technologies contest mechanisms for control and access to personal data, as the sharing of user-generated content is central to their function.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, the amount of information we share in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
space intensifies the issues.

To conclude
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want privacy and control over their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
data. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the privacy, have boundaries with respect to what material you will share and should limit the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
personal data. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
for sharing views and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
closer,
however
, in my opinion, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
can
be breached
, which may cause damage to the users.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that government should spend money on more important things. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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