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Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. v. 2
It is believed by some people that money is the key to happiness. Having money certainly contributes to happiness as it gives people power, security, and comfort. However, there are also other important factors in achieving happiness, such as job satisfaction and having a loving family. Possessing a lot of money has the ability to make people happy in many ways. Firstly, money can help people cover their basic needs and live comfortable lives. It is impossible to live a happy life without money as people will not be able to afford great education and health care. Secondly, having a lot of money can lead to happiness and security as people are able to buy the luxurious objects they desire. For instance, purchasing large houses, modern cars, and designer items can make people more fulfilled and boosts their self-esteem, therefore, increasing their happiness. While money is vital for happiness, there are also other factors that can make an individual happy. Many people find happiness when they do a job that they are passionate about as it gives their lives meaning, especially when their work involves helping others. This can be exemplified by doctors who derive happiness from helping and healing their patients. Another factor is having loving and supportive people in one’s life. Humans are social creatures and living alone can be detrimental to one’s health and, consequently, can cause depression and isolation. Due to that, it is crucial for one’s happiness to build deep and meaningful connections with others and to have a loving family and friends. In conclusion, despite the fact that money is important to be happy, other things like having supportive people and achieving job satisfaction can also play a key role in one’s happiness.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
certainly
contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
as it gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
power, security, and comfort.
However
, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors in achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, such as job satisfaction and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a loving family.

Possessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cover their basic needs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. It is impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be able to afford great education and health care.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and security as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the luxurious objects they desire.
For instance
, purchasing large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, modern cars, and designer items can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more fulfilled and boosts their self-esteem,
therefore
, increasing their happiness.

While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
when they do a job that they are passionate about as it gives their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
meaning,
especially
when their work involves helping others. This can
be exemplified
by doctors who derive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
from helping and healing their patients. Another factor is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
loving and supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in one’s life. Humans are social creatures and living alone can be detrimental to one’s health and,
consequently
, can cause depression and isolation. Due to that, it is crucial for one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to build deep and meaningful connections with others and to have a loving family and friends.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and achieving job satisfaction can
also
play a key role in one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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