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Childcare training course should be mandatory for all parents? Do you agree or disagree explain examples and opinion v.1

Childcare training course should be mandatory for all parents? explain examples and opinion v. 1
In recent years, the improvement of technology and spiritual life has been improving our education system and children’s knowledge. However, the problems relating to teenagers are rising and raise a concern about our future generation. In my view, the only one has to respond are parents and schools, who most of them are having ineffective raising and teaching method. Firstly, many parents use the largest of their time to work instead of playing with their daughter. They are so apathetic that the only thing they are able to do when their kids are so disturbing is throwing tablets or books. According to VTV recent news, modern parents are likely less careful of their sons, which give rise to the lack of empathy and also bad behaviour. That's why the teenager is now following to mortal life and depending on their families than themselves as well as they dare to do illegal things like robbery or drugs. Secondly, many schools nowadays prioritize Mathematics and Literature than life skills and there are many serious holes in controlling their pupils as the reason for the climb of school violence and using illegal products such as heroin, tobacco or alcohol. The Thanh Nien online news has reported hundreds of cases of violence and murder in or outside schools. Additionally, they realized that many drug addicts waited outside schools to sell to students without any report to the local government. In conclusion, there are many works we must do right now. Promoting parents to take more time for their child and improving our teaching programme and school security is necessary right now and the government must act to reduce teenager crime.
In recent years, the improvement of technology and spiritual life has been improving our education system and children’s knowledge.
However
, the problems relating to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are rising and raise a concern about our future generation. In my view, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
respond are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, who most of them are having ineffective raising and teaching method.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the largest of their time to work
instead
of playing with their daughter. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
apathetic that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing they are able to do when their kids are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
disturbing is throwing tablets or books. According to
Possible spelling mistake found.
VTV
recent news, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are likely less careful of their sons, which give rise to the lack of empathy and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. That's why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
following to mortal life and depending on their families than themselves
as well
as they dare to do illegal things like robbery or drugs.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
nowadays prioritize Mathematics and Literature than life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious holes in controlling their pupils as the reason for the climb of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
violence and using illegal products such as heroin, tobacco or alcohol. The Thanh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nien
online news has reported hundreds of cases of violence and murder in or outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Additionally
, they realized that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drug addicts waited outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to sell to students without any report to the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to take more time for their child and improving our teaching
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
security is necessary right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
act to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
crime.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Childcare training course should be mandatory for all parents? explain examples and opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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