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Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. v. 3
Culture and arts play an important role in societies. Some people thus assert government should allocate budgets to promote them, however, others believe government needs to prioritize improving education and tackling other important challenges such as unemployment. In this essay, I will examine both these views and present my own opinion. Some millennials think authorities should focus on arts and cultural events. This is because if more money is invested in these sectors, people’s knowledge regarding their cultural roots and heritage will be elevated, allowing them to be more informed about the values their ancestors held dear, which in turn gives them an insight into the way they should live in accord with their tradition. A study conducted by John Doe, a famous sociologist, for instance, reveals countries in which a large fund is invested on arts and cultural spectacles, an overwhelming majority of the masses are more conservative about their costume and thereby tend live a more traditional life. However, others put forward contradictory arguments. Another angle on this debate suggests the ruling parties should prioritize education and unemployment. Firstly, the government has to invest in education in order to increase its quality. Children, thereafter, will be more proficient in different fields, allowing them to secure a better life for themselves when they grow up. Sweden, for example, invests 75 percent of its annual budget on education. As a result, their students are of the highest caliber among European countries. Secondly, governments should focus on lowering unemployment rate, and if so, people will have fewer difficulties in providing for their dependents, thereby increasing the quality of their lives. I, for example, had dealt with unemployment for almost a year, and believe it is not acceptable that government spend money on arts and cultural events when people like me could not even pay their rent. All in all, it is clear that investing on culture and arts will increase the public’s awareness in regards with their tradition, however, I believe combating present challenges such as unemployment or raising the quality of education should be prioritized.
Culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thus
assert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate budgets to promote them,
however
, others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to prioritize improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and tackling other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
challenges such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
. In this essay, I will examine both these views and present my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
millennials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
authorities should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if more money
is invested
in these sectors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
knowledge regarding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
roots and heritage will
be elevated
, allowing them to be more informed about the values their ancestors held dear, which in turn gives them an insight into the way they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in accord with their tradition. A study conducted by John Doe, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
sociologist,
for instance
, reveals countries in which a large fund
is invested
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
spectacles, an overwhelming majority of the masses are more conservative about their costume and thereby tend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a more traditional life.
However
, others put forward contradictory arguments.

Another angle on this debate suggests the ruling parties should prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in order to increase its quality. Children, thereafter, will be more proficient in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields, allowing them to secure a better life for themselves when they grow up. Sweden,
for example
, invests 75 percent of its annual budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
As a result
, their students are of the highest caliber among European countries.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should focus on lowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rate, and if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have fewer difficulties in providing for their dependents, thereby increasing the quality of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I,
for example
, had dealt with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
for almost a year, and believe it is not acceptable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like me could not even pay their rent.

All in all, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that investing on culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
will increase the public’s awareness in regards with their tradition,
however
, I believe combating present challenges such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
or raising the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be prioritized
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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