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the only way to improve safety of out roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree? v.2

the only way to improve safety of out roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. v. 2
It has been recognized that only by tightening controls on careless drivers will road safety be upgraded. While I accept that this may be an efficient resolution, I believe that substantial improvements can also be reaped by other feasible measures. On the one hand, imposing more rigorous punishments, the government is expected to reduce the risk on roads. The reason behind this is that such policies as higher on-the-spot fines or even imprisonment will act as a deterrent for driving offenders from perpetuating their careless driving, which results in a more serious consequence compared to the past. In other words, they are believed to raise public awareness about abiding by road safety regulations. As a result, citizens will be less likely to suffer from catastrophic accidents. For example, when the UK government introduced an official ban on driving while intoxicated, statistics showed a significant decline in the number of head-on collisions, or hit-and-run caused by drinking driving, proving the effectiveness of this announcement. On the other hand, I concur with the view that there are also several other ways that can be proposed to gain road safety. Firstly, conducting vehicle inspections should be highly recommended for drivers. Indeed, if these schemes are applied on a regular basis, they will help the authorities eliminate transportations which are not roadworthy enough and, therefore, diminish accidents caused by their wear and tears. Secondly, upgrading and expanding public transport provision is another suitable solution. To be more specific, when state-owned railway and bus systems can be ubiquitous and speed up journey times, they are believed to discourage the use of private vehicles, which prevents citizens from pile-up due to driving by themselves. In brief, while not disavowing positive effects of stricter punishments, I believe that other road safety measures can bring about similar outcomes.
It has
been recognized
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by tightening controls on careless drivers will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
be upgraded
. While I accept that this may be an efficient resolution, I believe that substantial improvements can
also
be reaped
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
feasible measures.

On the one hand, imposing more rigorous punishments, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. The reason behind this is that such policies as higher on-the-spot fines or even imprisonment will act as a deterrent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
offenders from perpetuating their careless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
, which results in a more serious consequence compared to the past. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they
are believed
to raise public awareness about abiding by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
regulations.
As a result
, citizens will be less likely to suffer from catastrophic accidents.
For example
, when the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
introduced an official ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
while intoxicated, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a significant decline in the number of head-on collisions, or hit-and-run caused by drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
, proving the effectiveness of this announcement.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I concur with the view that there are
also
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways that can
be proposed
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
.
Firstly
, conducting vehicle inspections should be
highly
recommended for drivers.
Indeed
, if these schemes
are applied
on a regular basis, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the authorities eliminate transportations which are not roadworthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and,
therefore
, diminish accidents caused by their wear and tears.
Secondly
, upgrading and expanding public transport provision is another suitable solution. To be more specific, when state-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
railway and bus systems can be ubiquitous and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
journey times, they
are believed
to discourage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of private vehicles, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
citizens from pile-up due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
by themselves.

In brief
, while not disavowing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of stricter punishments, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measures can bring about similar outcomes.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay the only way to improve safety of out roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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