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the only way to improve safety of out roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree? v.1

the only way to improve safety of out roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. v. 1
In recent times, additives and chemicals are mostly used for food production to prolong the shelf life of various consumables. However, the drawbacks associated with the use of these preservatives cannot be overlooked as it poses more harm than good to man. Admittedly, a major merit of the use of chemicals is to avoid food spoilage. This means that, these additives will allow food produce, which are usually sold in markets and malls for human consumption to be available in stock for a long period of time without degrading. For example, In India with the use of chemicals, food organizations can store tomato paste which is popularly consumed, for a period of one year without perishing. As a result, lead to availability of this product. Nonetheless, despite this benefit, the demerit related to the use of preservatives by food firms can be disastrous. Mainly, the use of chemicals affects the healthy state of man. This is because these preservatives often contain compounds which affects the metabolic pathway of the human system. As a result, allow the development of chronic ailments such as cancer and kidney disease. For instance, In Northern Nigeria, there have been an increase in the number of people with a Chronic Kidney Diseases, this is because they consume a high percentage of Beans, a food which is usually preserved by a substance called "Sniper" that affects the kidneys. In conclusion, although there are advantages with the use chemical substances for preserving food. However, the drawback can be life threatening, but with the government supporting farmers on a large scale, they will constant supply of fresh produce and less use of additives.
In recent times, additives and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production to prolong the shelf life of various consumables.
However
, the drawbacks associated with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these preservatives cannot
be overlooked
as it poses more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

Admittedly
, a major merit of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
is to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
spoilage. This means that, these additives will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
produce, which are
usually
sold in markets and malls for human consumption to be available in stock for a long period of time without degrading.
For example
, In India with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
organizations can store tomato paste which is
popularly
consumed, for a period of one year without perishing.
As a result
, lead to availability of this product.

Nonetheless, despite this benefit, the demerit related to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of preservatives by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
firms can be disastrous.
Mainly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
affects the healthy state of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these preservatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
contain compounds which affects the metabolic pathway of the human system.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the development of chronic ailments such as cancer and kidney disease.
For instance
, In Northern Nigeria, there have been an increase in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a Chronic Kidney Diseases, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they consume a high percentage of Beans, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is
usually
preserved by a substance called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Sniper
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
that affects the kidneys.

In conclusion
, although there are advantages with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemical
substances for preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
However
, the drawback can be life threatening,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
supporting farmers on a large scale, they will
The word "constant" is an adjective and doesn't fit in this context. Did you mean the adverb "constantly"?
constant
supply of fresh produce and less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of additives.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay the only way to improve safety of out roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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