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The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. What extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. What extent v. 2
Road safety is of paramount importance to all the public, regardless whether its urban or suburban. Some people are suggesting that the only way to develop road security is by imposing strict punishments for people who breach the traffic rules. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this statement, following essay will discuss the matter in detail. To begin with, nowadays, fatality rate due to the road accidents is on the rise. For instance, the news media are publishing stories of deaths and fatal accidents on a daily basis. Cause for all these accidents are mainly due to the incompetent drivers. Therefore, the governments should immediately mandate necessary actions to control this situation. Furthermore, there are many ways to prevent aforementioned issues. Firstly, the government should impose laws to suspend a driver's license if they found guilty of a traffic rule violation. This should be strictly followed, so all the drivers will be extra careful and vigilant when they are driving vehicles. Secondly, speed rules and regulations must be a top priority to protect people both inside and outside of the vehicle. There should be an automated penalty system to issue a ticket to the ones who are breaking speed limits. On the other hand, pedestrians are also should bear the equal responsibility to sustain traffic security. For example, they should follow proper pedestrian's crossings at the right time without disrupting drivers. In conclusion, I strongly agree that strict punishments for driving offences will maintain and improve road safety. Therefore, the authorities should tighten the rules to improve security of all public.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
safety is of paramount importance to all the public, regardless whether its urban or suburban.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are suggesting that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
security is by imposing strict punishments for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who breach the traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. From my perspective, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, following essay will discuss the matter in detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays, fatality rate due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents is on the rise.
For instance
, the news media are publishing stories of deaths and fatal accidents on a daily basis. Cause for all these accidents are
mainly
due to the incompetent drivers.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should immediately mandate necessary actions to control this situation.

Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
aforementioned issues.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose laws to suspend a driver's license if they found guilty of a traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
violation. This should be
strictly
followed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
all the drivers will be extra careful and vigilant when they are driving vehicles.
Secondly
, speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a top priority to protect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
both inside and
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the vehicle. There should be an automated penalty system to issue a ticket to the ones who are breaking speed limits.
On the other hand
, pedestrians are
also
should bear the equal responsibility to sustain traffic security.
For example
, they should follow proper pedestrian's crossings at the right time without disrupting drivers.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that strict punishments for driving
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
will maintain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safety.
Therefore
, the authorities should tighten the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
security of all public.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. What extent v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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