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The only way to improve road safety is to impose severe punishment for driving offenses Do you agree or disagree v.1

The only way to improve road safety is to impose severe punishment for driving offenses v. 1
Everybody knows that poverty is the reason why poor people prefer some decisions and behaviour to another. But does misery appears to be the key to increasing the criminal level or here is must be something else that makes a society unhappy with their life standard? Let's get into this topic and think about it more. The main judgment why people think that poverty is the mind for most crimes is the case that was made by poor people. Usually, they are stealing something like phones, bags or money. But why do they do that? In my honest opinion, they are made to steal, because they need to eat something. For homeless people, it's pretty hard to get a job in a big city, and even if they do so, you hardly can make ends met with this salary. Sometimes homeless people kill someone, but it is rather an exception than the rule. What is the general sense of the atrocity grade, is the wealth difference. For example, in South Africa, where is poverty is the piece of being, fault rate is extremely low. Living so poor status, people see the same hard life surrounds and do not feel jealous. They do not see inequality like in New York, where rich people prefer not to go to the streets poor people living in. To conclude that all I could say that is not weakness makes people do violation. Not the lack of money makes them steal from others, but the feeling jealousy, inequality, and unworthy. And if you are going to decrease the misdeed frequent made by poor people, just give them the chance to get the same wealth as another have. Sometimes that is all they need.
Everybody knows that poverty is the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decisions and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to another.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
does misery
Did you mean "appear"? As 'do' is already inflected, the verb cannot also be inflected.
appears
to be the key to increasing the criminal level or here is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be something else that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a society unhappy with their life standard?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into this topic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it more.

The main judgment why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that poverty is the mind for most crimes is the case that
was made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Usually
, they are stealing something like phones, bags or money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
why do they do that? In my honest opinion, they
are made
to steal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to eat something. For homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it's pretty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city, and even if they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, you hardly can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
ends met with this salary.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
kill someone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
rather
an
Did you mean "exception to"?
exception than
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
.

What is the general sense of the atrocity grade, is the wealth difference.
For example
, in South Africa, where is poverty is the piece of being, fault rate is
extremely
low. Living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
status,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
life surrounds and do not feel jealous. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
inequality like in New York, where rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer not to go to the streets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in.

To conclude
that all I could say
that is
not weakness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do violation. Not the lack of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them steal from others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the feeling jealousy, inequality, and unworthy. And if you are going to decrease the misdeed frequent made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
give them the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same wealth as another have.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
that is
all they need.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to improve road safety is to impose severe punishment for driving offenses v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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